Grieving widow

[Benita Faith Thornton]

Lost my wonderful husband and best friend and can't seem to get over it. Hoping that coming on here I will find someone I can talk to and get some peace.

[Janice Gunn]

Hello, i lost my husband of 32 years on October 4, 2014. I completely understand how empty you feel. i promise myself every morning thst today i will not cry. But i have everyday since he left. This is the worst pain i have ever experienced. I pray every night for all af us.

[Elizabeth Bolduc]

I lost my husband of 25 years in April of 2015. He died of cancer. I was his caregiver the whole time. I am so happy I was able to spend this time with him. Rough? Stressful? Hard? Oh yes...all of it and so much more.

Please don't try and "get over" the loss of your loved one. We never get over them. That would be like saying they never existed. The did exist and they will exist in your heart for as long as you live.  I struggle on a day to day basis with a multitude of emotions, thoughts, what do I do, how do I do it. I currently still see my grief counselor which I am truly blessed to have. I would suggest speaking with someone versed in dealing with the loss of a loved one. It is not a cure all, it is not a fix. What it is, is a place to speak to someone you trust, someone who can and will listen. Someone who has seen your heartache and tears over and over again and still is willing to see you. They never get tired of us. Their hearts break too.

We also had Hospice come in before he passed. They have a social worker that I met before he passed and therefore made a brief connection. She had offered to come to see me as often as I wanted. At first I thought, "I can handle this myself". I can't. I couldn't. She still comes to see me, 5 months after. I feel like a broken record somedays. Yet, I do listen to their words. I am not crazy, there is no time limit on grief, don't let anyone tell you to get over it, listen to your heart and your emotions. If you need to stay home and cry and curl up, then do it.  My heart breaks for everyone that is grieving. I don't know how long I will feel this way. I have decided to listen to another thing these good people tell me. Take each day, one day at a time. Get through today. If you have to get through the next 5 minutes first, then do that. My mind is all a scramble. My life was circled around my husband. I have to reinvent myself. Sometimes I think I should be doing it faster than I am. And then I realize, I can only do what my heart will allow. Every day that is different. Reminders of our loved one pops up. Sometimes without warning. They can catch you when you least expect it. When these happen now, I embrace my pain and let the tears flow.  I let a loved one know that I need a hug or tell me it's going to be ok.

We will all be ok. I don't know when or how. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is no time limit on it. Be kind to yourself.  Stay away from those that tell you its time to move on or get over it. How dare they? Surround yourselves with people that love you.  I do not put myself out to casual acquaintances. Those that are not my friends, but I know socially. I don't pour out my feelings to them. They don't want to hear it, your right. I don't want them to be part of my private pain. I hold that for those that truly care for me. I don't know if any of this has helped. Don't rush your pain. 

I will ask if anyone struggles with the question of what do I do now? I'm 60. I don't want another spouse or what not. I am trying to pick up some pieces or find new ones I guess. I feel pretty lost. Almost feel like I need someone's permission to do something.  Take care. I hope you can find some peace. I know it will come. I haven't found it yet either, yet I do have faith that we will one day be able to smile and hold our loved one with a smile instead of tears.

[R Choate]

I just lost my husband a month ago to a heart condition.  He needed an implant, but was afraid to have surgery.  He wore a life vest, but was in the habit of not connecting the battery to the vest.  The morning I found him on the living room floor he did not have his vest connected to the battery.  He had gone to sleep on the couch where he slept for his back and I had gone to study in the office.  I fell asleep in the office and woke up at 2:00 a.m..  I went to bed on the other couch where I slept, because he was afraid to sleep alone while he wore the vest.  When the alarm went off at 5:00 I turned on the kitchen light and found him in the floor.  I never turn on the kitchen light.  I don't know why I did that day.  I found him in the floor.  He was already stiff, cold and his face was blue.  I yelled his name, but I already knew.  I called 911 and then I called my parents.  I am 44yrs old and my husband was 55.  I am having a difficult time dealing with this.  At present I am staying with my parents until everything can be sorted through that belonged to my husband.  I do not want another husband.  He was my life. I spent 17 years pouring everything into this person.  The last year was difficult due to his heart attack and subsequent heart condition.  There are no words right now for how lonely and heartbroken I am .  I am grieving now, but I know that once I come back home I will have to grieve all over again.  I have never lived alone and the thought terrifies me.  I do think about what if God sends someone else my way, but this man truly was my soulmate.  We had so much in common and many times had the exact same thoughts at the exact same time.  The smallest thing will make me cry.  I couldn't eat a "Subway" sandwich the day of his funeral, because that is what he ate for lunch most days.  I cried at a birthday party, because the stool he always sat on at mother's house was empty.  I find that I am saving pieces of his clothing, because certain things I can't let go of.  I found a recording he made on his phone and I made it my ringtone.  To others this may sound crazy, but it helps me get through.  Whatever you have to do to get through is what you do.  No matter how crazy it may sound to other people.  Grieve as long as you need to.  Nobody understands exactly how you feel.  Nobody here can understand exactly how you feel.  Each person is different.  All I can say is pray.  If you do not know Jesus turn to him now and ask him into your heart.  He will help you get through.  He knows all of our troubles.  I hope this helped in some way,