GriefHope

Help for today & Hope for tomorrow

Hello all,

I am new to this group. On January 31, my husband shot himself in the head with an assault rifle. I was standing 3 feet away from him, pleading for the gun, begging for his life. He has always suffered from depression. He was about to lose his job, we found out his daughter was using drugs, an ex girlfriend was causing problems, he was estranged from his family.... he felt like his world was falling apart. He had been drinking while I was out shopping and when I came home he was sitting with the gun. His did not die instantly, although he blew most of his skull off, he was breathing for approximately 11 minutes. I did CPR on him until the paramedics arrived and he passed shortly after. I can not eat, I can not sleep. I cry all day, every loud noise causes an anxiety attack. I know it has only been a month, but I seem to be getting worse instead of better. I just do not know what to do. I am like a zombie. I just flow through the motions of a day. I hurts so bad.

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depression some times wins. he had a lot to deal with and that didnt mean he didnt care for you. in that moment and time it was only  about him what he felt was best for him. i remember my zombie days and unfortuanly it does get worse better it gets better. and you need to be tough and fight all the emotions that cause you pain. take it day by day and seek the help that is needed to get better again. i know right now nothing helps but if you hang tight youll see a better day. 

I'm so sorry!That is a terrible thing to witness.I lost my mom a month ago.For me I will be fine one minute,then a complete mess,screaaming ,crying ect.It does feel like things will never get better.I'm also having panic attacks.You are not alone

Its almost been 5 months since I lost my husband I don't see it ever getting better for me

Kelly, A very traumatic event. I can't imagine what it must have been like, I am so sorry you are suffering so badly. There is nothing we can say to make you feel better. It is so hard and hurts so bad. We are here though and can listen to each other. I sure would like to see more activity on this site. We all need the help. 

Ted

I just found my bf dead yestetday I pray u can get through this is awful.for you. Night time seems the worst .I feel soo alone. I want to blamr myself but I know it is not my fault and It is not your fault.
Thanks Ted that means a lot and it does help to talk

Kelly I am so very very very sorry for your sorrowful loss.I am so sorry .You are not alone.I miss my wife so much..Kelly I know it is just overwhelming...Your comment about zombie is so true...I often feel exactly that and others I know who have experienced the loss have also expressed that with me...sometimes I feel like I am walking and my feelings just say where do you think you are going to ...there is no where to go....the pain is so very very sorrowful and only those who have loss can know..i closed my little wifes open eyes and held her habd as I felt it getting colder and colder...its really really hard Kelly and I am so very very sorry for your loss.I hold my mind on heaven and the angels .You are not alone dear one,and your boyfriend is all safe now.I am so sorry Kelly..is there any family member to sit and hold your hand?

I'm so sorry Kelly I know what your going through, My husband committed sucide 3 weeks ago he also done it in front of me I can't get the image out of my mind. My heart goes out to you.but talking to him helps.god bless you my deepest sympathy to you.
I feel responsible for my husbands death. And I am so guilty that I did not pay attention because I was to worried about my job that I couldn’t get enough sleep because he was keeping me up because he was not feeling well. I even gave him some nasty attitude when he told me to go back to our bedroom so I can rest and he will start making breakfast. I asked him to go to the urgent care but I gave up when he said no, he worked on the medical field and he tend to argue because he knows what he is doing, while at work he tried to call me three times ( I forgot that I told him to ring me three times if it’s emergency and at my job we’re not able to pick up the phone) I was too busy too busy of doing other things and when I got home I found him, no life. And when I had a chance to check his phone he even tried to message me but he was not able to send it. I put my game face everyday but I died inside. If I can just go back even to that only moment to at least comfort him. I wanted to tell him that I love him so much and I miss him immeasurably.

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