GriefHope

Help for today & Hope for tomorrow

i don't know how to cope with the loss of my father

it has been twenty days since my stepfather passed away. The flurry of family members in my house swelled then subsided. even with thirty people in our living room, the house feels empty without him.

Earlier tonight, i checked to see if my eleven year old sister (i am eighteen, by the way) was asleep and i found her sobbing into her pillow. I don't know when it will stop hurting. I don't know when everything will be okay, or if it ever will.

When we buried him, i couldn't bring myself to believe the sad wooden coffin contained the husk of a man who had so much life in him. I feel hollow and empty knowing that i'll never hear his voice of see his face again, that the last time i saw it, he was lying in a coffin, looking pale and uneasy. 

In just over two days, i will return to school, my final year of highschool. it takes hours of effort just to get out of bed. I already struggled with school before this. I can already envision my grades plummetting, myself shutting down. i don't know what i can do to prevent this.

And i don't know why i'm writing this. At 1am. On easter. I don't know if i'm expecting a response, or if i'm expecting this to make it easier. maybe i just needed to express my thoughts.

I miss him so much. Everything is changed and i don't know how to cope or process it. i just distract myself until all the sadness and hurt hits me all at once.

Rest in peace, Skipper. I know i was one of the only people who called you that, but you wouldnt have it any other way.

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