GriefHope

Help for today & Hope for tomorrow

Today makes two weeks since my mother passed. It was sudden and unexpected. I remember talking with her the night before and seeing her smile. She called me twice the next morning upset that she hadn't gotten her bath yet. Two hours later she was gone.
It doesn't seem real. It doesn't feel real. Even at the funeral. Seeing her in her casket it was just not true.
I'm 35 and you would think I'd be better prepared for this but I'm just lost. Lost and angry. She should still be here. She should still be with me.

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Shea: I completely understand. My mother passed away 3 weeks ago. Very sudden didn't know she was full of cancer. We had 1 week to prepare for what was to happen. I'm 46 years old and my sister just told me to get over it (me crying) I told her kind of hard for some to let go so easily. Everybody grieves differently.
As I'm writing this I'm crying thinking of many things. I'm sure u ask same question why our family? I know I keep on asking.
Big hugs to u

Shea and Brenda: So many things go through my mind when I read your posts.  On January 13th (My mother's birthday) it will be 3 1/2 years that she passed away. Note where we are, on a post for grief!  My journey has been much longer than yours and I will share a little of my experience and of course advice :).My mother died of Ovarian cancer which in my mother's case was an absolute nightmare.  We were living at my sister's house and I was able to leave my job in Spain and my brother came up from Virginia and work from my sister's house so we all could take care of my mother.  From the time she was diagnosed till she died was 2 years but that last time of 24 hr care was 2 mos.  We had the wonderful help from the hospice team.  We all were there when she passed which was a blessing for us.  However,  the 3 of us realized that we all had PTS soon after she had died

.  AND my Dad we believe had a breakdown as well.  So in my case I think I was not even at the point where I could feel ANYTHING for several months.  She died in July and about November  is when I started crying.  First it happened anywhere and everywhere.  Then they upped my antidepressant and I was able to control myself until I got home and then I just let loose.  This went on for probably a year and a half.  I have been home to the states now 4 times since she passed and that helped a little bit each time.  At this point I don't cry everyday.  I do think of her constantly.  She is never far from my thoughts.  I felt guilty because while I was in my room crying my husband and 2 kids were in the house without their mother and wife.  So I lost valuable time with them.  I am afraid even looking back I couldn't have changed anything.  By the way I am 53 now. So I turned 50 8 days before she passed.  So this has nothing to do with age or maturity.  Now I will say menopause could have had a play in there.  Where am I now?  It hurts less.  I think more now of seeing her in heaven than not having her here.  But what I do feel is very alone.  I have family and lots of people around me but nobody can fill the space that she left behind.  

So in conclusion... everybody has there own schedule and it depends on a lot of things.  Brenda don't be too hard on your sister she could still be in shock.  I think for both of you it is sooooo early that you should just kind of find your way to deal day to day for now.  One more thing I was always looking for the day that life would go back to normal.  That doesn't happen.  I should say in my case that wasn't true.  Accepting that took a long time.  Best wishes to you both and I hope my long discourse helped in some way.

My name is Amy and my brother died of alcoholism 3 mons later my mother had a horrible wreck and almost died she couldn't control nothing but her head and 3 mons later my other sister went to visit m in the hospital and the nurse found her dead of an overdose then I took care of my mother for 2 years bed ridden SNF she passed away now my boyfriends daughter called me 2 weeks ago and told me he died of s overdose I am do hurt sad angry and heartbroken

Being 35 still does not prepare anyone for a loss. I am 32 and lost my mother exactly a month now. I am falling apart sometimes I just feel like isolating myself from the whole world, the grief is so unbearable i cry each day i feel like soon no tear duct will be left. i feel so angry damn DEATH I HATE THIS PAIN

Camille, that's exactly how I feel right now. I hate going anywhere. I'm trying to keep things normal for my kids and it's so difficult.

Hello, I am very sorry for your pain and I know exactly where you are coming from. I feel everyone's pain here, and I am truly sorry for each and every person here. I lost my mom in April of 2015, I'm 45, and still devastated. I feel lost, hopeless, and empty. I miss her so much it hurts and I feel the whole in my heart will never heal. And in many ways it won't. No matter how old, or young you are, you can never fully prepare for it, and certainly not "get over it" either. You don't "get over" losing a precious person in your life, at any age. I like how my brother said it, "There will always be a void, but I'm trying to move forward and take mom with me." Well said, granted easier said than done, but well said. It hurts a lot and there's days the pain is so intense I wish it would just end, one way or another. I know I'll see my mom again in heaven, just not sure when and what I'm going to do between now and then. I cry all the time and miss her terribly. I don't want to do anything or go anywhere most of the time. I do sometimes just to do it, but even if I have just a little bit of fun, there is always that dark cloud of sadness that is ALWAYS there, no matter what. I feel angry, disappointed, worried, anxious, jealous, fearful, and jipped out of so much! It seems impossible, but I hope we can all find some kind of peace, even if just a little, during the Christmas season. Take care.

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