Loneliness, anger, hard to keep friends

[BRENDA THAMES]

I lost my son 4 years ago, Sept. 9th. He had a horse accident and hit his head, we went through 3 weeks of horror and then he passed away. I have an older son and he was a Senior in High School when this happened so during that time I would get up, fix him breakfast, get him off to school then go to Gunner's bed and stay there all day. I had an alarm that would go off at 3:30 and I would get up and try to compose myself for him, so he wouldn't have to feel so much pain from me on top of his own grief. My husband  has always been the backbone of our family , he was in so much pain too but he did a great job at being strong for our son too.  For 2 1/2 years I think I was in a fog, hard to remember events, or things I did during those years, I would see myself in pictures but not remember being there. When I started to come out of it,  the pain was almost too much to bare. I have seen a psychiatrist on a regular basis and she tells me I'm doing good but it just doesn't feel like it most of the time.  One of the many reasons I joined this chat room is, my relationships with others.  I am very easily offended and i carry my feelings on my shoulder and I wish I wouldn't be so sensitive but I am....I have lost so many relationships, friends and even relatives that I use to hold so dear. I don't know if I ran them off or if they just can't be around me if I break down. I try to hide my pain but it seems it still comes up. I feel so many people think I should be over it by now but I'm just not. I've tried to reconnect with some of the people I've lost but it seems they don't want to reconnect.  I have even tried to explain to a couple of them that I was sorry if I had hurt their feelings. I tried to explain that I had been in a fog  and at times drifted away because I got my feelings hurt or why I didn't answer calls or messages,  but that doesn't seem to help.  So I was just wondering if anyone had any advice or have felt the same way ?

[Judy Davidson]

Hi Brenda,

Welcome to Grief Hope Network and thank you for sharing your story and your feelings.  I hope it feels even just a little bit better in doing that.  I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son a few years ago.  I'm sure I would feel the same, if I were in your shoes.  You have my heartfelt empathy. You have made a BIG first step in reaching out to others who know how you feel.  Grief always waits, so it's never too late to start the process of dealing and healing.   

All members here have empathy for what you are going through.  I'm recovering from the loss of my mother in February.   My husband passed away in 2004 and I started this site to help others a few years ago.  Please reach out to other members through the Network, Member Blogs and Forum Chats.  The chat room tends to have more people in it at night.  The Home Page has some good Blog Posts too.  I pray the resources here provide Help for Today & Hope for Tomorrow.  You take good care of yourself.  BIG hug!    

God bless,

Judy

Founding member

[Charles Leet]

My Sons mother passed away in the other room of our house..July 9th..I'm sorry. I don't know what to do either..I'm totally lost.