GriefHope

Help for today & Hope for tomorrow

My husband passed away last year and my daughter July this year.  I miss them so much.  They were my life.  I am doing the best I can day to day.  I am having a real difficult time doing anything with their belongings.  Guess I feel like if I let them go I lose part of them.  My daughter's room is just like it was when she left this earth in July.  I am still surrounded by my husband's belonging's also.  I try to go through their things and fall apart and so just leave it all alone.  The upcoming holiday's are really so very painful and don't know how I will cope.  Can anyone relate to what I am going through?

 

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Yes, Janet.  I can relate to how you are feeling.  I am SO sorry for the loss of your husband and daughter.  It must be twice as hard for you.  When my husband died, all his belongings remained as they were in our house for at least 6 months.  My sisters came over and helped me go through his belongngs and I donated a lot to charity and moved some in the garage, so they were stil nearby.  My son still has a drawer with some of his dad clothes etc. in it.  He was 4 when his dad died.  I was shocked when my son wore one of his dad's shirts just last week.    

It is perfectly normal to dread the holidays when you are grieving.  We developed a new tradition where my sister who lives alone, spends the night with us Christmas eve and share Xmas morning together.  It will never be the same, but eventually new traditions may help you feel better someday.

Thank you for sharing your feelings.  Communication is key to recovery, so you're doing a great thing.  Check out the discussions and blogs from other members along with the chat room.  There are blog posts on the Home Page.  I pray this site provides you Help for Today & Hope for Tomorrow.

Big Hug,

Judy

Founding member  

I can i am sorry for uour loses . I lost my husband on father's day of this year

HI JANET  YES I KNOW WHAT YUR GOING THROGH ALSO  MY LOVE OF MY LIFE MY SOULMATE MY WORLD PASSED AWAY JAN 16 2013 FROM ESPAHAGAS CANCER HE PASSED AWAY AT HOME  HE WAS BEDRIDDEN AND I LAYED IN BED WITH HIM HUGGING HIM AND TELLING HYIM I LOVE HIM AND THANKING HIM FOR ECERTHING HE DID FOR ME WERE MAGICAL LTOGETHER  WE HAD VAENTINES DAY EVERYDAY MY SWEET ANGEL HUSBAND AND I SHARED THE SAM E HEARTBEAT

yes i miss my daughter holidays are the worst just no Gods with you he will help you psalm 91 is good to read

Yes I can relate to you.  I lost my son and for you to have lost both your husband and daughter it has to be really that much harder.  I know that I fear what bad news the next day will bring at times for one thing secondly I don't think we feel to merry at this time of the year knowing that we use to spend this time in the presence of our loved ones that are not around to be with us at the moment.  It has to be hard getting rid of their processions and some how we do tie their belongings to their personality and what they liked to do and their style.  My youngest did not have to many belongings and I run across things and I find it hard to give things away which I have had to do.  I guess I feel that someone will benefit from something that my son once used and that brings me joy.  I have kept a few things and am limiting myself to those few things.  I think it may be something you can have someone help you with.  It may help telling them about the items you are making decisions on and then thinking about keeping it or selling it or giving it away.  I know that we can feel overwhelmed in the process of grieving and that only makes it harder for us to work on a project such as going through our loved ones processions.  This time of year may not be the best time to go through their things.  We know ourselves and need to try and spare ourselves some pain along the way. 

Hi Janet! I feel its best to decide what to do with your families belongings when you're ready. Im sure their belongings are like gold and you want to cherish them as much as you can. When its time you will know how to deal with that matter. As for me I was dating my loved one when he passed away and i wish very much I could have kept some of his belongings but that wasn't my place. Holidays could be very hard for us we have to put on our happy face for the most part. Maybe try and do a little Christmas memorial for your loved ones with a special tree just for them, it may help. take care. Lulu

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