GriefHope

Help for today & Hope for tomorrow

Still hurting after 2 years; peace ever come to those who lose their soulmate?  Wondering.  How can we find happiness in the midst of such sorrow?  Searching for answers

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Dear Michael, I lost my husband of 28 years last month. He was my soulmate. I don’t think I can expect to ever not hurt when I think of him, and at the moment, everything makes me think of him. Everything. But I have noticed that the grief and loneliness comes in waves, and I think over time those waves may vary in amplitude, and will certainly decay in frequency. I try to stay engaged, whether I want to or not. I attend grief groups. I am volunteering at the SPCA. I spend time with my pets who help me just be in the moment with their love without expecting me to “move on”. I know that I will eventually be pulled out of that moment back into grief, but just allowing myself that moment proves to me that I am still capable of joy, however briefly. I appreciate the beauty of nature and enjoy it while at the same time allowing the tears to flow. Particularly challenging is the realization that I have to some how divert my zest for life from “us” to “me”. Loosing a loved one is emotional amputation. One never “recovers” from loosing a limb. One just learns to live with it, exercising one’s other limbs to compensate. I am taking the approach that for me to feel joy again, I have to take it slow but steady and exercise that emotional muscle as I would any limb, accepting any opportunity to bathe in joy, and not flinching at the wave of grief and guilt that may follow.

I lost my husband 6 months ago to cancer after we fought it for 8 years. He never made 62 and I am in so much pain.

I am really sorry for your loss and I mean it because I know exactly what you are going through. I lost my wife, who was also my soulmate and my  best friend, a little over two months ago to breast cancer. We fought for three years and did everything we could to beat it but in the end it beat us. I really don’t think that one human being can love another human being as much as my wife loved me and I am missing her terribly every second of the day. The pain is just getting worse all the time, not better! I wonder what will happen to me. I just can’t wait to be with her again! May God bless you and give you the strength to overcome this sadness and loss !


Isabelle Workman said:

I lost my husband 6 months ago to cancer after we fought it for 8 years. He never made 62 and I am in so much pain.

Javaid, I understand completely how you feel.  My wife departed earth two years ago on Easter Sunday.  If I was sure that dying by my own hand would release me of this world and assure our reuniting marriage I would have already done so.  I just trip over myself everyday.  It never gets easier.  I will pray for you and hope that you find some relief but I am not an example of things overcome.  The best thing I can offer is to relay what her daughter recently told me...she is not far from you...you are always going to be her soulmate and in God's perfect time you will be reunited forever and ever.  That is all that I hang onto.  I know it is not much but that is what I hold onto.

 Michael, taking my own life has crossed my mind too and I have discussed that openly with my family and friends! We all know that that would be a very unnatural way to go and doesn’t guarantee neither relief from pain nor our reunion with our soulmates. In fact, there’s a pretty good chance - and I don’t want to take any chances to jeopardize my chances of being with my Karen again - that our souls may get lost somewhere in the universe if we do something unnatural to our lives, such as interfering with the date of our demise chosen naturally by God or some other super power ( if you are not very religious), and may not be able to re-establish contact with the soul of our loved one! 
Thank you for your kind reminder that she is not far away from me and that she will always be my soulmate - what  a kind thing to say by a total stranger who doesn’t even know me! I have been crying all day today because I have been missing her a lot today and your kind words have made me cry again! You and I will both get to meet our soulmates again, Michael, amen! You are a good man and she was, on this earth - and will always be - very lucky to have you! May God bless you and bring peace and joy to your heart! It would be okay. 

Michael P said:

Javaid, I understand completely how you feel.  My wife departed earth two years ago on Easter Sunday.  If I was sure that dying by my own hand would release me of this world and assure our reuniting marriage I would have already done so.  I just trip over myself everyday.  It never gets easier.  I will pray for you and hope that you find some relief but I am not an example of things overcome.  The best thing I can offer is to relay what her daughter recently told me...she is not far from you...you are always going to be her soulmate and in God's perfect time you will be reunited forever and ever.  That is all that I hang onto.  I know it is not much but that is what I hold onto.

Javaid, trust me when I say that I examine ALL the potential consequences in my thoughts of ending it too.  While I was determined to find her immediately and rejoin her, the likelihood of upsetting the universe God provides us all to exist was too big a risk for me.  If I had something concrete that would assure me that I would rejoin her in hug embrace on the other side I would have done it already.  Life going forward has small moments of joy but they are few and far between right now.  I spoke to a widower who is a Pastor of a local Church.  He lost his wife two weeks before I lost Ximena.  He has since remarried the piano player in his Church.  I think his words were "this is what my wife would want for me, not to be alone."  Well I am not sure that marrying someone else will ever replace soulmate love.  I did not think that term was a real word until I found Ximena.  She felt same way.  

My wife told me to find someone that can help take care of me in my journey towards our reunion.  I know it will not be soulmate love, as a matter of fact, I do not want it to be like that.  My soulmate is in heaven where time does not exist and only an abundance of love and peace are present.  She told me of her first journey to the other side, one that only lasted 16 minutes in earth time.  She described a fantastic surrounding of love and joy.  She came back to me after that ordeal which occurred 14 months before her final death.  

I appreciate your sharing.  It does help to talk to someone who knows what the loss of a soulmate feels.  Although many people tell me Michael I know how you must feel....well guess what?  Those good intentions stir anger in my heart because they have their spouse and families....truly totally unaware of what it is really like to lose the love of your life.

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