Loss of your spouse

[Vicki J. Lawrence]

 

I lost my husband of 46 years last December.  Just about the time I think I am over the worst of the grief it hits me all over again.  My children and siblings have been wonderful but as loving as they are they really don't understand my level of grief because he was my husband and we were not just lovers we were best friends.  There is such a huge hole left in my life now that he is gone.  His health was poor for years but I took him up to the hospital for a dislocated shoulder.  He had a disease called Mineirs disease and it robbed him totally of his balance and most of his hearing.  I instructed the nurses and attendants that he absolutely could not be let out of bed to use the bathroom by his self.  I told them he needed an attendant and a safety strap EVERY time he needed to use the rest room (even if he was transported in a wheelchair).  I told them if he did not have an attendant and attempted to go his self that he WOULD fall.

To make a long story short he was alone, there was no alarm pad under his body to alert the staff if he was trying to get up.  The attendant heard him yelling Help! but by the time she got there he had stopped breathing and his heart had stopped.  The aide could not call a Code Blue so she called the nurses station and there was no one there.  By law there is supposed to be a nurse at the desk at all times.

By the time they finally got the code blue activated my husband had been without oxygen for 6 minutes.  When they got there the first thing they did was shock his heart.  It had to be done but during this no one was doing mouth to mouth or was using a Bolis bag.  He was without oxygen for over 12 minutes.  All they did by starting his heart was enabled him to start circulating blood without oxygen.  By that time the only activity in his brain was in the stem. 

He was sent to St. Francis hospital in Topeka and when it became evident that he was not going to live they moved him to the St Francis Hospice.  I can not say enough about the hospice those people were absolutely wonderful.

 

I have been told that this ongoing grief is normal for up to a year and a half.  What hit us even harder was that he passed Dec. 18, 2011 exactly one week before Christmas.  I am now having to deal with the upcoming holidays and at this point I have absolutely no excitement about the holidays.

[james andersonss]

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