I lost my son January 12, 201 8. In a tragic car accident. He was in the back seat of a car when the driver loss control hit a pole, car caught fire, my son couldn't get out & burned to death. When I close my eyes I can hear his screams. I keep wishing I was there to help him. My son was a WOUNDERFUL, KIND, GENTLE SOUL & an AWESOME FATHER, he was a MEEK man.for him to die then in this way kills me. I try standing on my faith & believe in God but the longer time go's bye the harder it gets & the more it hurts. To know I will never see him again. Nor be able to hold him. Makes me num. I find my self asking God for a miracle. To bring my son back to me. Then I realize what I am asking for & it's just impossible. When reality sets in the pain pirese my heart. I hope one day I can crawl then walk again but right now I can't even sit up to see the light.
Its been six months since you wrote this post. I hope that you are doing better. But knowing grief am sure its been a hard road. I too stood behind Gods grace and that was the one thing that helped me through the worse expierence of my life. Hold on to your faith even when you feel it slipping away.
I truly understand your pain, and I would like to give you hope that it gets better. Some days are better but then it hits you that your lovely little boy is no longer part of your world. My son was a "giant" of a man and he thought that nothing could ever harm him, but he was wrong. He had a motorcycle and loved riding his harley. I repeatedly asked him to wear a helmet but he always told me that it obstructed his view. Then he was out riding one night and a deer ran in front of him and he wiped out. Since he didnt wear a helment we are praying that he was dead when his head hit the pavement. Because within in minutes of the accident a semi truck drove over him. I couldnt even say goodbye because the coroner wouldnt let me see him. (I think that was one of the hardest parts to accept, I was there when he was born, I should have been there when he died). It was a senseless death, just like your son. But would it have been better any other way, probably not. I pray everyday that he felt no pain and I hope that your son was not screaming as you say but that god gave him the peace of not feeling the burning. Hopefully that may help you to move forward a little. I am here when ever you need a shoulder or just want to vent.