when me and my sweetie found out we were pregnant we were a mess of emotions. I was soo scared and excited and just a bunch of feelings that I had never had before. at times I wanted to push myself down a flight of stairs to end it. how was I ever goning to raise a child. I figured I would just mess her up. but as time went by and we talked and read book and learned stuff I got excited. but in my excitement I was neglecting taking proper care of myself. I was not paying attention to my blood pressure and my doctor had put me on a pill that was really bad for a baby in the whomb.on novemer 23 I started having a miscarage. it was at the time the most painful thing I have ever felt. I knew she was gone. I could just feel it. my sweetie took me to the big hospital where for the next three days I got to find out what reall pain is about. I was in labour for three days trying to give birth to my dead baby. and when she finally came out blue and lifeless it felt like my life ended.
I don't know how to get better from there. I still dream about it all the time I still cry for her and for my pain of not having her. for not getting Christmas and Halloween and birthdays and first days of school and first kisses and falling in love. she doesn't get any of it and I feel like its my fault because I was not paying attention to my blood pressure. I helped to kill my baby and the guilt feels like its going to kill me to