November 26 2017. He had a brain bleed & was only 36. We were less than a month away from celebrating our 1 year anniversary. Now, of course, everything is changing. The worst part is all the emotions. I feel so much guilt about not being able to notice signs that something may have been happening to him in the days prior. I have guilt that I wasn’t home with him when he collapsed on the floor. He was a teacher & it was a weekend so he was due to be tutoring but I later found out he texted the family he tutored for that he wasn’t feeling well.
It keeps running through my mind if I had been there, would things have been different? My family was in town for thanksgiving so I went to breakfast with them. He wasn’t able to go because he needed to get ready for tutoring & school on Monday.
What do you do with the guilt? I also am angry that this happened when everything was going so well for us & we were going to start our family.
What do you do with the anger?
My mom passed away the day after xmas, only a short month ago. She was 83 and frail and I struggle with the guilt that you're talking about. I wish there something that we could have done for her. My sisters and I believe she was done with life and wanted to go be with my dad in heaven but I have a hard time living with the guilt of not being able to help her so I understand how you feel.