GriefHope

Help for today & Hope for tomorrow

He left me 3 yrs. now. He was suffering from depression and leaned into a train. He was away at school. It never registered that, there was something wrong. He always seemed happy with me. I went to his dorm to clean out his things. I searched every where for some kind of note. I always felt so close to him. I couldn't fathom the idea of him not leaving me a goodbye. I was told later that he sent a text to his friend saying goodbye. I just feel like I can't breath anymore. I tried my hardest to be such a good mom. I wanted my children to have a better life. I did everything I thought was right. I know his suicide wasn't about me, but this act made my life feel meaningless. I Failed my family. I have 2 wonderful children at home. I've tried my best to comfort them. I spend every day thinking of Alec. I try to keep it to myself but the hole in my heart will never go away. I love him so much. It's really hard for me because my other son got me into Alec's social media (he used apps I never heard of before). He posted over and over how he wanted to die to his friends. His friends never told anyone. 

Alec was the smartest, funniest, & caring man. He would of gone so far in life. I'll never see him finish college, get an amazing job, get married, and have children.

I want everyone to know that if a friend speaks of suicide. Tell someone!! I understand that friends might not take it seriously, or that they just want attention. We'll they do. Tell! 

Does anyone have any thoughts about what happens when you die.

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I am SO SORRY Heather.  As a mother myself, my heart goes out to you ... I hope your fond memories with Alec bring you some comfort ...

Big hug,

Judy

Oliver's post on May 22 might be helpful to you:

Hi everybody, Like any human being, during our live we have encountered the death of family members with whom we lived and acquaintances, e…

Started by Oliver Morozov

This is a late reply, but I just joined the site. Heather your love for your son was paramount and in no way was this your fault. You tried hard to be a good Mom. There it is. Right there. Trying hard is what any good parent does when it comes to raising their children. My daughter attempted suicide in 2016 but survived. For a long time I blamed myself but I've learned that it had nothing to do with my parenting and that she suffers from mental illness. Alec most likely had severe depression and was able to put on a good face at home. This is very common. There were no warning signs when my daughter tried to take her own life either.
I've seen 3 people close to me all lose a child. It is an agony I wouldn't wish on anyone. My heart goes out to you and all others dealing with the loss of their precious child.
I lost my mom just before Covid hit and although losing a parent is no where near the same as losing your child, I've struggled with it. Honestly, what has given me great comfort is watching YouTube videos of people who have had near death experiences. The one that really was amazing is called "The near death experience of Jeff Olsen."
There are many, many more uplifting stories out there, that confirm my belief that we go on after death and there is nothing to fear.
I wish you better sleep, I wish you peace and healing in your journey. There are other ways to connect with your son too- through dreams and meditation. Be kind to yourself ♡

I am SO SORRY

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