Second Letter

[Alexandra Raphaela]

So its almost Christmas and it will be mommy and daddy's first Christmas without you. Last week I went to the mall with aunt Mary, and we saw a firefighter truck that we knew you would love to have. I brought it and now its in your room with your other toys.
Daddy likes it too, he was the one with the idea of putting the truck in your room. Of course he did that after a while of calling me and your aunt crazy, but we know daddy better than he knows himself.

Mommy and daddy are better now, you know, those fights we had was because it was because your lost was so fresh. But we love each other, and we tried once for you, so we had to try it twice so that our marriage won't break down.

Daddy misses you so much, but he keeps not telling me or your granny what he is feeling. I found him the other night in your room grabbed to that stupid and old teddy bear of his that he gave you, daddy was in your bed looking at the window and whispering to himself, and he was crying. I layed in your bed next to him and hugged him crying with him for a few hours. we felt a sleep in your tiny bed, so imagine the pain in my back when I woke up. So the reason why I wrote this letter is because I miss you, and I miss your smile, and your giggles. Daddy wants to have another baby, you know, so you could be the big brother, but I dont know if I want to. Mommy is scared that what happen to you will happen again. I dont know if I can go thru that again, I dont want to lose another baby. No matter how far you are from me, you will always be my baby number one, you are the one that thought me how to love someone more than I love myself, 

how to find your cries annoying and at the same time wonderful, that the 48 hours of labor where worth it, just to see those beautiful eyes of yours, and that cute little cry you give when you took your first breath.
I will never forget those moments, or you.
Mommy loves you Ashie, Daddy loves you.
We will always love you

[Lulu]

beautiful sweet letter God bless your family.

[Judy Davidson]

Alexandra,

Thank you for sharing this letter.  Words cannot express how my heart goes out to you and your husband at this time.  I am blown away at your courage and grace ...

BIG hug,

Judy