GriefHope

Help for today & Hope for tomorrow

Why did I have to watch over my mother for four days in palliative care.

Hello,

My 89 year-old mother passed away on 26/5 after four days in palliative care. I was her principle carer.

I was told that I could not feed her or even give her water as she was on intravenous morphine and another drug to stop her agitation, so if I gave her water or food she might choke or it would just prolong her death.

I just held her hand and watched as she hungrily sucked on the mouth swabs I used to clean her mouth.

At various times she would attempt to remove the oxygen tubes from her nose or disrobe from the hospital gown. She also tried to talk to me and open her eyes, but she was too drugged up to be able to do so.

This was very hard to bear. The palliative doctor in charge said that she could not do anything to put my mother out of her misery. A euthanasia law in Victoria Australia, which is where we were, is due to be introduced on June 19th.

It kills me that I couldn't help Mum at the end, when all I have done over the past ten years is work and take care of my mother to make sure she was as happy and well-cared for as she could be.

I am unable to function now as this memory of her last four days makes me feel as if I had let her down at the very time she needed me to take care of things.

Views: 48

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Words fail in pain such as this, Susan.  These memories are designed by The Evil One to torment, and in a sordid way, it makes sense that perhaps if you don't stop feeling guilty, you feel that perhaps you will pay for the pain, you are wanting to  take responsibility for.  If I'm wrong, forgive me.  I don't want to presume.

In truth, your Mama has moved on and isn't trapped in her body any more.  Neither does she dwell on those last days of her life.  Can you focus your anger on the Tormentor, and pass the guilt off on him?  It is my prayer (and I do pray with faith in Jesus, my Comforter in grief) that supernatural peace will come over you as you look ahead and not behind.

Holding you up to Heaven,

AniLo (I am His)

Hi Susan, am so sorry for your loss, I also lost my mother on the 12/05 and I also
helplessly watched her die, while EMS specialists tried to resuscitate her. I feel like I called them too late and I feel such guilt as well, I don't have siblings so I'm also so lost where I am, my father passed on too. I'm sorry for your loss Susan, do go seek professional help so you can get assistance for you to grieve properly, and heal well because it's a process. I'm also working on how to grieve my mother, so I can heal, as they say it takes one day at a time. Time heals all wounds as they out it. May you be strong and find peace, joy and Love. Dennis



Dennis said:

Hi Susan, am so sorry for your loss, I also lost my mother on the 12/05 and I also
helplessly watched her die, while EMS specialists tried to resuscitate her. I feel like I called them too late and I feel such guilt as well, I don't have siblings so I'm also so lost where I am, my father passed on too. I'm sorry for your loss Susan, do go seek professional help so you can get assistance for you to grieve properly, and heal well because it's a process. I'm also working on how to grieve my mother, so I can heal, as they say it takes one day at a time. Time heals all wounds as they out it. May you be strong and find peace, joy and Love. Dennis



Susan Derry-Penz said:

Hi Dennis,

I am so sorry for your loss. It is strange that we feel guilt when we have done our absolute best for our parents. I am not a fan of counselling...all I want to know is how aware my mother was when she was on morphine for four days. I went to my doctor, who just told me a story about how he lost his forty-year-old horse.

I hope you are doing better than I am.

Best,

Susan



Dennis said:

Hi Susan, am so sorry for your loss, I also lost my mother on the 12/05 and I also
helplessly watched her die, while EMS specialists tried to resuscitate her. I feel like I called them too late and I feel such guilt as well, I don't have siblings so I'm also so lost where I am, my father passed on too. I'm sorry for your loss Susan, do go seek professional help so you can get assistance for you to grieve properly, and heal well because it's a process. I'm also working on how to grieve my mother, so I can heal, as they say it takes one day at a time. Time heals all wounds as they out it. May you be strong and find peace, joy and Love. Dennis

I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through, as I am currently watching over my mom who is in palliative care right now for her pancreatic cancer. She simple started saying her good byes to us and I really don't know what to do at this point. But after reading what you had said, you did what you could and that's what matters the most. You were there for her and she knows that till the end. Life is just so hard and its so cruel at times, but there's a reason one must go through things like this. For what it's worth, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your whole family.

Reply to Discussion

RSS

© 2019   Created by Judy Davidson.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service