GriefHope

Help for today & Hope for tomorrow

4 years ago 25 march 2010 we lost our son jagger 2 weeks short of his birthday. 9 April 1995.. Tomorrow he would have been 19 years old. He was 1 of 6 children (4 boys & 2 girls). Loosing Jagger has really devastated our family.. We all have had our issues trying to deal with the loss of there brother and our son. It REALLY TRUELY has taken a toll on momma.
One day Momma out of the blue up & quit a very good career. Came home walked up stairs, pulled all the shades in our room & did not come out for 2 years. The past 3 years in short she has been going down a very self destructive path. Jagger was 15 yrs old when passed away playing with a hand gun that was not loaded & was also hidden.. Loosing jagger & with the break down of my wife mentally, spiritually as well medical issues. She hates me and our marriage as taken a HUGE TOLL.. I highly believe in our vows. But she has pushed separation & the division of our family. I know she is screaming with pain inside, there's nothing like a Mothers love & she's grieving hard. I have given it ALL my everything to help & support & be her punching bag. I feel my heart has been ripped out, dealing with his death & dealing & watching the destructive path momma is on. IV done everything I know how to be caring, understanding, supportive and patient. We are separating & it's like salt on an open wound. I love my family & my wife with ALL my heart & soul and don't want to loose her.

Any advice from anyone what to do.

Thanks & have a good day.

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Sorry to hear about your story Curt its  a hard situation to be in. Advice is hard to come by when you're not in those shoes. I could understand her grief its her child her baby like you said nothing like a mothers love. Losing a loved one could drive one crazy take you places you never knew you could be.

Maybe the separation will be a good thing give her time to think be alone. She needs some space to come back to her senses. Im sure she loves her family as you do and might only need a bit of space to come back home again.

Best of Luck

wow i am so truly sorry for the loss of the boy i can't even begin to tell you how sorry i am i don't know what that is like i am here for you 

You not alone. I loss my 20 year marriage and my 20 year old son too. The girl and the girl brother told police that my son was playing with the gun and shot himself in the head. I know in my heart he did not shot himself, but I can not prove the girl brother shot him.

As a parent, I loss my only son. Now, I loss my marriage. We have been marriage over twenty years. and we don't have anything to talk about. He will not speak up.

My son name is T.J. He was shot while with a friend and her brother in above his left eye. The girl name Charly and brother, They shot my son and I can not prove it. I am just lost/

I still can not prove it.

It has been 2 years.

I am in a horrible life without my only son.

I am just wasted space. I give up without my son. I will never be happy again. I try to tell my husband and I just start to cry. He does everything to keep from   crying

I just lost my 15 year old this year in September.  I felt in a similar way as your wife did because my son died in a car he purchased with his on money with the help of his dad.  I blamed his father for getting this car for him and not even giving him an hour behind the wheel in training.  I am a believer in Christ and I had to first get to a point of forgiveness for my ex-husband.  I have gone to the doctor because I was getting to a point losing motivation for going to work and isolating from others and going to my room and just laying in bed for hours.  I broke up with my boyfriend explaining to him that I am to broken and hurt to think about romance.  I don't live with my sons father anymore but I had to think logically and tell myself that even thought my ex was careless and did not put his sons safety first he would never have wished his sons death and that he is grieving as well as I am or even more because I am sure that he is feeling guilty and sad.  The other thing that helped me was that I had to remind myself that as a believer I know the Lord knew when to take my son so I just had to be thankful for the time I had him.  I think that it somehow makes us feel a bit better if we have someone to blame we feel we can point to someone who has brought the pain into our lives here but that does not help us cope with the sadness and pain we feel.  I would suggest that she gets medication for her depression and seeks some counseling as well.  You are doing the right thing by joining this group it may help you and others.  Remember that you are not at fault that your son died at his appointed time and this is a process that you will have to endure in order to share your story with others who may be going through something similar.  Maybe you can advocate gun safety and speak to gun owners.  Explain to them how an accident can take place it may save someone else's family member.

I also blame myself, my husband and gave our only son the truck. We still have a picture of him when we gave him the 1984 Ford F150. The first car that I purchased and it was paid for. My son grew up riding in that truck and his dream was to finally get his license and own the truck his parents paid for was the best feeling. As many times as my son made me smile, thinking of his death I have cried since September 30, 2012. I cry everyday.
 
Patty Ruiz said:

I just lost my 15 year old this year in September.  I felt in a similar way as your wife did because my son died in a car he purchased with his on money with the help of his dad.  I blamed his father for getting this car for him and not even giving him an hour behind the wheel in training.  I am a believer in Christ and I had to first get to a point of forgiveness for my ex-husband.  I have gone to the doctor because I was getting to a point losing motivation for going to work and isolating from others and going to my room and just laying in bed for hours.  I broke up with my boyfriend explaining to him that I am to broken and hurt to think about romance.  I don't live with my sons father anymore but I had to think logically and tell myself that even thought my ex was careless and did not put his sons safety first he would never have wished his sons death and that he is grieving as well as I am or even more because I am sure that he is feeling guilty and sad.  The other thing that helped me was that I had to remind myself that as a believer I know the Lord knew when to take my son so I just had to be thankful for the time I had him.  I think that it somehow makes us feel a bit better if we have someone to blame we feel we can point to someone who has brought the pain into our lives here but that does not help us cope with the sadness and pain we feel.  I would suggest that she gets medication for her depression and seeks some counseling as well.  You are doing the right thing by joining this group it may help you and others.  Remember that you are not at fault that your son died at his appointed time and this is a process that you will have to endure in order to share your story with others who may be going through something similar.  Maybe you can advocate gun safety and speak to gun owners.  Explain to them how an accident can take place it may save someone else's family member.

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