I lost my husband in April of 2012 - not a year yet.  Between us there are 8 adult children that I am now responsible to.  It has been an amazing blessing sharing this loss with th ekids but I feel like while I have been there for them, I haven't been there for myself.  I have no idea how to move beyond the internal despair and loneliness.  A keep up a pretty good mask when people are around but once I am alone, the feelings come back and ht me hard.  My husband was diagnosed with cancer at the end of February and he went to his reward on April 2nd.  The whilash feeling has not let up.  Here is that hard part to admit - I know he is in his heaven because of his strong faith - I feel him watching over all of us - and I wish that were enough.  Even knowing all of that, the "what about me feeling" doesn't go away. Good for him, he is in heaven - I am left to deal with the earthly difficulties.  This  without a doubt the most unfair situation I can imagine!  At the same time I am really not proud of feeling that way.  I just needed somewhere that I could admit the truth inside me.