Not only did I lose my wife on Oct 3rd this year, I also lost my father on Oct 13th. I feel horrible because I always talk about my wife but fail to mention my father. Me and him were very close. Whe…

[Joe Daniel]

Not only did I lose my wife on Oct 3rd this year, I also lost my father on Oct 13th. I feel horrible because I always talk about my wife but fail to mention my father. Me and him were very close. When I don't think of my wife, which isn't often, I think of him. I was there for his last breath at the hospital. He beat throat cancer, had a quarter of his lung removed a couple years ago. In March, he fell down the stairs. They removed a large portion of his skull and didn't think he would make it. Well, he did. he went home, and in September had a plate installed. He was doing so well!! Then he ended up with pneumonia, went back to the hospital. They said if they had to intubate him again then he would  n't come off. He once again beat all the odds and came off of the breathing machine! His body had enough though. They found masses in his lungs. There was no treatment that could save him so they put him in "comfort care". They said he had about three weeks. It was a Sunday, my mother told me not to go up to the hospital because I went everyday. Something inside me said I had to go. I went there, made him wake up and look at me. I swear he tried to focus on me! About an hour later, he took a deep breath, and that was his last one. He only lasted 4 days. I love and miss him so much, along with my wife.

Since then, my wife's best friends father passed, My wife's cousin and a coworker that lives across the street from me have passed. I have had it! I don't want to "sing the blues" but I am a veteran of desert storm, and the first death was a kid I knew from high school, been cheated on by my ex wife and now this! If there is a god and he is testing me then I am on the brink of failing. They say he will only out on your plate what you can handle. Well, my plate is full. Where is all the joy and happiness? I always try to be a good person, always helping people, always the one my family turns for money. I don't get it. What am I doing wrong to keep being punished? What can I change?