For My Sweet Dog Sophie

[Andy Bright]

When I lost my wife 4 years ago I thought the grief would never end.. and in reality it hasn't.  What shocked me to my core is how losing our dog this weekend has affected me and how similar the gut wrenching pain is. 

Growing up with dogs I've always known this day would come and that it would be painful, but nothing prepared me for how it would feel losing the dog I brought into my own home, the dog I was responsible for, the dog who loved me without condition.  I was the pack leader, I was the one who righted wrongs, fixed what hurt, fed her, walked her and made her feel safe.

When I woke on Saturday morning to find her lifeless body hidden in the bathroom, my heart stopped as surely as it did the day my wife passed.  Why did I not wake up to help her as she panted out her last moments?  Why did I just roll over and continue to sleep when I heard what I now know were the sounds of distress.

In many respects she has given me one last gift.  She was 12 years old, had difficulty getting up and down the stairs and was nearing the time when I would have to make the most painful of decisions.  I could, maybe, have eked out a few more years feeding her pain killers, paying expensive vet bills and doing whatever I could to selfishly keep her by my side.  Instead she let herself go.  If I was in a better state of mind I would be grateful.

I will try make the rest of this brief, but it's hard.  We brought Sophie home 12 years ago, just before Easter.  She was with me and comforted me when my wife passed and while I hoped she would last just a few more years, in reality I knew I would never be ready for this day.

So I am writing a message to her soul to say that I miss her, love her and pray to God that she has joined my wife in heaven.

[Judy Davidson]

Andy,

Thank you for sharing your story regarding your wife and Sophie.  It actually sounds like you're doing well in your grief recovery when you talked about her giving you one last gift and being grateful.  I think dogs know when it's their time to go.  

I experienced what you described with our dog Rocky last year.  He was a shit-zu and was 17 years old; mostly blind and mostly deaf but still cute as a puppy :)  He was hit by a car in front of our house but thankfully my son or I didn't see it happen.  I think Rocky decided to take the early out option as I was probably going to have to put him down in a year or so.  But I cried almost as hard as I did when my husband died 10 years ago. 

It's normal and natural to feel the depth of that pain especially for a pet, which is like having a baby that never grows up; always dependent on you for their well being.  I never thought we'd get another dog as we've had them for 25 years.  But about 2 months later, my son and I went to our local shelter and there was Robbie; who looked almost identical to Rocky.  Coincidence?  I think not.  Robbie has filled up our love bucket again :)

Thank you again for being brave enough to share your story.  Feel free to join the chat room anytime.  It seems to be more occupied in the evening.

All the best,

Judy, founding member  

[Lulu]

Hi Andy sorry to hear about your pet Sophie. Sounds like a special dog, she cared and loved you back just as much you did . Its no wonder the pain is great. Pets are special in many ways and bring us joy. I hope you find the comfort in your heart soon.