GriefHope

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Lost and alone after the death of my husband

I lost my husband last year on September 18th just 6 days after he was diagnosed with metastatic melanoma that had spread to his internal organs. At times I still can't believe he died. We had just bought our home and we were in the process of doing home renovations. Grant, my husband, was only 43 years old. He started having some abdominal pain that would not go away. We thought he has strained a muscle in his abdomen or had developed an abdominal hernia. On Thursday September 12th I took him to the emergency room to have this sorted out. This is a day that will be sketched into my memory forever. I will not forget the somber look on the ER doctor's face when he sat on the end of the stretcher and said it does not look good. Grant's CT showed multiple lesions on his liver and spleen. He was admitted into hospital for further investigations and pain control. On Saturday, September 14th, he was taken into surgery for a liver biopsy. Due to the amount of bleeding his surgeon had to open his abdomen and place packs to control the bleeding. He was sent to the ICU on the ventilator. On Monday September 16th they took Grant back to surgery to close his abdomen. By this time his kidneys and liver were almost in complete failure and his heart was starting to fail. On Wed September 18th my husband's kidneys had completely failed along with his liver. The ventilator was turned off and he passed within 10 minutes.

My husband and I were from different countries. I was born and raised in Georgia and my husband in Western Australia. We have beautiful twin daughters that were only 12 years old when their Daddy died. The girls were born in Georgia but we relocated to Western Australia back in 2006. My family is back in the states while all of my husband's family are here in Australia.

Where do I begin. I relive this senecio every day. I can not sleep. When I do I have really horrific dreams. I dream that the was only unconscious when he was buried. As the days and weeks go by the pain I feel only increases. I am able to put on a brave face when I am around others. I have trouble being in large crowds and can not tolerate loud noises. I just do not know what to do anymore. I live halfway around the world from my family so I feel so totally alone and isolated.

Views: 28

Comment by Kelly on February 28, 2014 at 11:07am

I understand exactly how you feel. I lost my husband on January 12 of this year. It was out of the blue even though he was sick. I also feel lost, and not understanding where i belong now. My daughter is only 9. I wonder how much she will remember, but then i know she will never forget what a loving daddy she had. I have the same dreams, where i think Tiger is only sleeping, or maybe he is in the hospital waiting to come home. If you want to talk, I am here

Comment by Kimberley Edwards on March 1, 2014 at 6:45am
I am sorry for your loss as well. The death of a loved one regardless if he has been sick is still very difficult. Your daughter should be old enough to remember her father. I hope you have family and friends that are close enough to be able to help support you during these difficult times. I have made the difficult decision to move home to be closer to my family. I hope my husband's family realises that I am not doing this to hurt them or punish them. I am doing this for my physical and mental well being. Am so looking forward to being home. I should be there in about 10 weeks. I can't wait!!!
Comment by Kelly on March 1, 2014 at 8:42am
Kimberly, we have family and friends on my husbands town and family in the surrounding communities. I'm glad you made the decision to go home. As hard as it will be to leave his family, I would think you need your family right now. Either way it's a hard call when you don't want to hurt anyone, but I'm sure they will understand. You can always vacation there. I wish you luck and peace of mind. I question every decision I make, which is wierd because I always did everything and make all the decisions while he was sick. Anyway. Good luck.

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