GriefHope

Help for today & Hope for tomorrow

Lost my spouse on Jan 5, 14.  He was a truck driver and died at a rest area in Michigan.  He would call me 6-10 times a day so he could just talk to me  When I didn't hear from him for 48 hours, I knew something was wrong, his company called for a welfare check and found in dead in his sleeper.  After autopsy reports, he died on bacterial pneumonia and influenza A.  I didn't realize he was that sick when he left 3 days before, we had just spend New Years together at home.I have come to dislike weekends because I got used to him being gone during the week and me and our daughters had a routine.  Daughters gone to college this past fall, I looked forward to hearing his big rig pull in every Friday night or early Saturday morning for his weekend home.  I just feel lost and empty without him, thank god for my new full-time job which helps occupy my work week. I feel horrible that he died alone and I never got to tell him goodbye or that I loved him.  Why does it hurt so much?????

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Comment by maryellenmcquown on February 28, 2014 at 8:31am

there is guilt but he loved you my guess is he knew how you felt 

Comment by Sad on March 2, 2014 at 9:08am

Kathy,

I am so sorry for your loss I understand, I was lucky my husband stayed home that weekend for some unknown reason so at least I had the comfort that he didn't die on the road, he was alone, but in a place he knew.  I still turn when  I hear the sound of the truck or when I see someone else driving it I've found myself following it and then realizing it's not him and losing it.  Why does it hurt so much, I believe because we always were waiting for them to come in off the road, we made special meals, did fun things it was like we were always on a date, and we were cheated from getting to have that last kiss and good-bye.  I understand hating weekends, I hate all days, I know there is somewhere to find comfort that's why I joined this group and hope we can draw some from eachother.  I write in a journal its not for anyone else just me, I get mad and have so many different emotions.  We were together over 40 years.  I am certain in your husbands last minutes you and your daughter were at his thought and how much he loved you, or as I think he laid down went to sleep thinking of a wonderful memory of his family and smiled and realized what a lucky man to be loved so deeply.  Please anytime you want to talk message me, and all this frigid cold and snow here in the Midwest doesn't help either does it?  I'm not able to do it but I'll tell you to quit being so hard on yourself.

Take care.

Sad

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