GriefHope

Help for today & Hope for tomorrow

On January 12, 2014 I woke up to a nightmare. My husband of 29 years had passed away that morning. He had been sick for a few years with Diabetes, and was on dialysis. He had just been placed on the transplant list last november. We were so happy, for once things looked like they would work out. He went through many ups and downs with his health and was in and out of the hospital the past 2 years. He was recovering from a broken hip and was doing really well. We went to bed one night. We were up most of the night due to his low blood sugar and coughing. He told me to go lay down in the spare room to get some sleep. I have never done that before, but that morning I did. I woke about 10:30 that morning and found he had passed away in his chair. Since then, I havent been able to comes to terms with his passing. I feel like that day we both died. I feel nothing anymore. I feel empty. I have kids 2 living in other places and one at home. I know she needs me, but my grief consumes me. I look around me and see people that have lost loved ones and they seem to have moved on. HOW? I know I will never have that. I have loved this man my entire life. I dont think you move on from there. I hate nights and weekends. I try to keep busy at work, but I have lost interest in that as well. Sometimes I think I can just stay in bed and let life happen around me. I dont know where I go from here. I use to be in control, knowing exactly what I needed to do and did it. I took care of him for so long, I just dont know where I fit anymore. I go back to the place we lived for 28 years and i dont fit there anymore. I dont fit where i live now either. Its all so confusing and hard. When does it get easier? Does it get easier?   

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Comment by maryellenmcquown on February 28, 2014 at 5:50pm

yes it gets easier but it will take time and lots of it i did not lose a husband but my mother and i wondered the same thing i have the same thing your husband had and i can say 2 things for sure 1 it was not your fault and in my experience some people want to be alone when they feel there going to pass so i think he knew 

Comment by Kelly on February 28, 2014 at 8:42pm
Thanks. The one thing I know and don't question is the love we have for each other. That comes once in a lifetime. I will tell you. Do what your doctors tell you too. Don't ignore the signs. Tiger lived just as he wanted without regArd to his illness. And now we are all empty without him.
Comment by Sad on March 1, 2014 at 4:10pm

kely,  I am so very sorry for your loss, don't you hate hearing those word?  I understand, no  don't undersand but I know exactly how you feel.  In July, 2013., so I've been in this new "club" for just over 7 months and I tell you it stinks.  We would have celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary Feb.2, instead of a big party, it was a party of of

one with memories, and so many tears.  I wish I could tell you your going to wake up one morning and the world was going to be ok again, but so far that is not the case.  My husband talked to me that morning when I left for work and said "don't be late, it was a Sat. I closed early but I took one more appointment for the afternoon. I remember those last few moments, the look in his eye, and told him I'd see him in a few hours.  The nightmare began when I came bacl and found him, no warning no expectation....just gone, we had been married since 2 months after I turned 18, so her I was in my mid 50 never lived alone, our daughters are both grown and live away, in happy lives.

Those were the hardest phone calls, people didn't know what to say, so when  you say you want to stay in bed somedays, I DO...I feel like I just don't fit anywhere anymore.  I am so loney and the hurting in  my chest,

 

I will tell you one thing there is something called the 365 days of grief affimation out there you do a journal, it leads you for different steps, and the journal does seem to help, because you can write your deepest darkest thoughts.

 

I too think what if I would have came back an hour sooner, what if I wouldn't have gone to work that day, but I know in my heart I couldn't have changed the massive heart attack, though he wouldn't have been alone.  He looked so calm, just like he closed his eyes and went to sleep.  I thank God for that.

 

Kelly, remember the good times, cry when you need to, tell me when they have walked in this night mare or in your shoes then they can tell you how you should be feeling and I really don't know how long it takes to quit hurting.  I didn't memntion that in the same month my business, and where we leaved was all gone, so I truly am homeless and at a place that I am figuring out what life holds ahead.

 

I reach out my hand to you I will listen, I can tell you what I've learned on this journey, share your tears and never lie to you and tell you how easy its going to get, I don't believe that.  I do pray for peace and someday to be able to have days with more smiles and good memories than tears, and to say I made it, I know life is not over, and I truly do hope to be happy again and know that I deserve it.  Your in my thoughts and prayers!

Sad

 

Comment by Kelly on March 1, 2014 at 7:14pm
Sad I am so very sorry for your loss. you don't know how much what you said helped me. I felt like no one understood me. Especially when I said I don't know where I belong. I do journal, not every night but I do do that. Life is so hard emotionally. I'm only 47 we would have been married 29 years on valentines day. He is my soulmate. He was the man women dream about. I'm thankful for that. It's so wierd to see everyone going about life like nothing happened and my world is shattered.

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