Even though my grandmother has been missing for 5 years it still doesn't seem real sometimes. The day she went missing was definitely the worst day of my life. That day plays over and over again in my head and blocks any of the good memories we had when she was still here. That year was so difficult, my life just fell apart all at once. I never let myself grieve properly, because I thought I needed to be strong for my family. I've hid my sorrow, sadness, grief, anger, and despair for so long that it has finally started to weigh me down. I feel like I'm drowning but can still see everyone breathing around me. Having someone die in your life is a terrible heart wrenching thing, but having a missing in your life is 50 times more profound. You constantly have what ifs and unanswered questions that run through your mind every second of the day. I can go from laughing and seeming like I'm enjoying life to a melt down in 5 minutes. I've just recently accepted the fact that it's okay not to be okay and it's alright to admit you need a little help.
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