So Many questions. i can't go on like this

[Jennifer]

I lost my boyfriend on May 13th 2014.you are doing our usual routine I'm taking our dogs before you went to work that night.Jesse, our puppy got loose from her chain. Joe ran after our dog and unknowingly in the path of drag racers.the first car struck him pushing him towards the second car.the second car hit him and he flew over it and landed in the neighbors yard.I first thought it was our dog that got hit and ran to see my boyfriend is laying on the ground in a pool of his own blood bleeding so bad you couldn't tell who it was at first.he try to talkbut couldn'tbecause he was bleeding so badI started screaming so terribly my next door neighbor ran out of the house.my boyfriend got transported to the hospitalvia ambulance.I got to the hospital and they wouldn't let me in because I wasn't next to kin. I had a feeling then he was gone.I just didn't want to believe it. I came home andthey were cops everywhereand most my road with caution tape.I asked one of the many police officers that were there and the fact thatthe news people were thereif that meant my boyfriend has passed away.he looked at me paused and said news comes out in a lot of instances Abd itv didn't mean he was passed away. I got closer and saw a coroner. It still didn't register. A neighbour i didn't know said the police told her he had passed but i didn't believe it because why would they tell her before me. I stood at my neighbors next door listening to one of the men that was involved in the drag racing lying to the detective. The detective then asked me questions and he Asked If i had any questions. I asked yet again is he going to be ok. All he could say was i thought you knew. He didn't make it.
The very next morning his father and step mothercame over wanting assets such as deeds titles cars etc. I not being sound of mind let cars leave. These so called family members had nothing to do with him when he was alive and my boyfriend gave up on them years ago. they they came over again that Saturday for more things I told them no and the band mefrom attending his viewingand memorial service.
I am so hurt my lasttime to see himwas himstruggling for lifebleeding so badtrying to talk to me.I have so many questionsI feel like I let him down. not being there at the viewingand not fighting for his carsand home.next of kinhas too much legal right and the battle would more than likely be in there favor. I know he wouldn't want to spend money on a lawyer if i have such a huge chance of losing.

My questions are. Is he mad i didn't get to go? What was he trying to say? How can i handle living across murders that haven't been arrested? Will justice ever be served?

My daughter watched everything. Im so angry atthem for not caring.

I am having a memorial lunch for Joe at the park by my house. Plus getting dog tags with his picture on them for my daughter and i so he will be forever close to our heart.

Hopefully someone can help me w answers

[Judy Davidson]

Hi Jennifer,

I am so sorry for your loss.  Wow, you have a lot to deal with right now.  Best wishes at the memorial luncheon.  I know everything you're going through right now is probably the toughest thing you'll face in life.  Again I'm sorry; especially for the circumstances in which Joe died. 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.  I do know from personal experience that communication is key. In addition to the resources on this site, blog posts on the home page, book suggestions etc.  Grief groups really helped me too.  Check out www.GriefShare.org

Thank you for participating on this site, I hope you find some help and comfort here.

Sincerely,

Judy Davidson

Founding GHN member