I can understand what you must be going through as I lost my husband three months ago.
I did go for a few counseling sessions and then I realized that there is no shortcut. I am in very early stages of grieving and I have found that talking to people who are or were in similar circumstances only understand the reality of this torturous process of grief.
I am sorry for your loss. When your loved ones pass away of some illness, it's a big setback. In my case, I have been dealing with three traumas at the same time. I lost my best friend (husband) of 17 years suddenly with no clue that he was contemplating suicide for some time. When I looked back into his behavior and the notes he left behind, I found out that he had bipolar paranoia. He believed that the world was conspiring against him.
Ironically, he was a physician and kept ignoring his demons throughout.
So, I am still stuck at the angry stage of grief. I miss him every moment and long to be with him.
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