trauma

[angel]

Hello,

I thought I was fine. And most days I think I am..the key there being THINK. My father was involved in a hit and run, which completely altered his life. We fought for 16 days to make the right decisions to try and save him. He has EXTENSIVE injuries, and ultimately we reached a point where he was not progressing and he was starting to go downhill. I had one good day with him before he started having stroke and seizures, and then he was gone. He fell into a completly unresponsive state and after 7 days of that I had to make the decision to transition to palliative care. When I decided to take him off the vent I had 52 minutes with him. I was at his side for everything, and I held his hand and kept my other hand on his chest to feel his heartbeat, all the way to the point when it stopped. 

I am an only child and he was widowed, so every decision rested on my shoulders. I have been struggling with did I make the right decision, and dealing with the "he's really gone"....some days I am numb, and just dont think about it.

some days I am angry...so angry.

I am admitting I am a little lost in life right now....

thanks.