I am lost

[Lynn]

I lost my father a few weeks ago. He died of lung cancer. The day before I was going to begin my FMLA to assist with his hospice care, my employer terminated me.  That was 19 days before my father died.  I am so angry about the situation with work, but I was to emotionally exhausted to fight them at the time. The gift of it was I was able to help my parents more, and spend more time with my dad in his last month. I was there the night my father died. I sat with him and listened as his breaths grew weaker. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, yet at the time...it seemed ok, I knew it was the best thing for him, I knew he fought as long as he could, and we knew the moment he stopped fighting and just accepted what was happening....we called my mom into the room in the middle of the night as we knew his breaths were weaker....I saw the moment my mom gave him his last kiss and said goodbye, it was literally his last breath, people talk of someone passing peacefully, I hope it was as peaceful for him as it seemed to us.  I am grieving, the family has all left, everyone is returned to their homes...I am left to aid my mom in getting her life together and sorting through the business of her financial future. The day after my father was buried, I wrote every thank you card on behalf of the family. I was happy to do all of it. It provided great closure to me. 

Now, i am lost. I have lost my father, I lost my job, and I am so afraid I will lose my house.  Yet, no one seems to notice. I am lost. 

[Judy Davidson]

Thank you for sharing your feelings, Lynn.  I am so sorry to hear about your dad passing.  It does sound like it was  peaceful and I'm glad you've been able to be there for your mother.  Feeling lost is completely normal.  I felt like I lost half my body in the early months after my husband died.  It does get better, I promise.  Sharing your feelings is the first step toward grief healing, so you've come to the right place.  Reach out to other members her, in the member blogs and chat room.

I pray this site provides Help for Today & Hope for Tomorrow.

Judy

Founding GHN member 

[maryellenmcquown]

i am so sorry for the loss of your dad and you did all that you could do you were there with him i lost my mom and was not there when she died 

[heidi bermender]

lynn  sorry for yur pain and loss  my angel husband passed away at home from esphagas cancer I layed in bed wqith him hugging him and telling him I love him deeply and thanking him for everything he did for me he was my world my soulmate my best frined plases read my blog on the love of my life  we shared the same heartbeat now iam lost  heidi

[april]

so sorry to hear that :(

"Jehovah God  gives use hope to see our dead loved ones its in the bible at psalms 37:29. so sorry for ur loss if you would like to learn more about gods promise I would be happy to talk to you. april"

[april]

 in the bible at john 5:29 how he will resurrect the dead and also at revelations 21:3,4 how he will wipe out every tear from there eye and death will be no more> that is something am myself am looking forward too

[Jenni]

Hello Lynn. I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss, but I am grateful that you, like me, were able to be there to see the "peace" that is the last moments of your loved one's life. That is a true blessing from God in my eyes. Do you have a church family? Many churches run support groups for those grieving a loss. Additionally, there are many community organizations running free and low-cost groups, such as hospitals, hospice organizations, and even colleges where counseling students are looking to practice and offer their support free to the community. I'm currently in grief counseling free through a hospice organization, and it's really helpful so I urge you to reach out for that help. It won't fix a job loss or housing crisis, but it can get you back into a positive frame of mind that will help you feel less "stuck" and more able to move forward positively with your life. May God bless you, and I'll say a prayer for you.

[JC]

I'm so incredibly sad, desolate, lonely. Let me see if I can think of any other adjectives lol

It's just this person who meant more to me than anyone in my ENTIRE life (except my baby girl) is gone. I understand the circle of life - all hail "Lion King" - but the idea that she's no longer out there, at least in my physical world, in my life, to share and confide in... My mother was not there for me as a child but this beautiful caring woman was. She finally lost her long painful battle with leukemia. My heart is broken. She was the mother I never had.