GriefHope

Help for today & Hope for tomorrow

My 32 year old husband died suddenly on March 8, 2015 and I am lost

My amazing and loving husband had a brain aneurysm last Saturday and died on Sunday. We have 4 kids and I feel like no one understands. He was only 32. When I think about the fact that I will never touch him or hear him again, I panic. I am in unbearable pain.

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i lost my partner &  companion & best friend ever three weeks ago ,i live alone & im still iin shock! Im afraid to sleep  because the memorys start up in my head like a movie that wont stop!  i feel like im all alone & will always stay like this, i see my partner every    where & in everything we diid & i feel like iam haunted. its so hard to bear & i sure feel for you & your dear children. please find you very best friend & pour some of the grief out,we can not bear this alone & we have no time limit to recover, Hold on & ask jesus to heal you, He will1   Ronnie in Va.

My best friend who was 37 died on Sunday March 22 of a a brain aneurysm. No one had any idea. She left 3 children and her husband behind. I grieve her everyday. Some days I do not feel like I have the right to grieve her until I know all the family is OK.. You see they are my family too! She was my sister by choce
I think one of my biggest issues is being so isolated. My husband was my best friend and I don't have anyone to talk to about him. My parents live 2200 miles away and there's things I want to talk about that aren't appropriate to tell parents. His family is part of what I need to vent about and I have no friends I can really call up who are willing to listen. I never made friends in Iowa, my husband and I were enough for each other, which was perfect while he was alive but is definitely biting me in the ass now. I see a therapist once a week but it isn't really helping.

Joanna, I want to express my sincere sympathy. I am just inclined to ask: how can such dreadful things happen. It was 6 mths. ago yesterday that my wife, the love of my life, passed over. I miss her beyond words and expression of feelings. This is the saddest thing I can imagine. I want you to know that even though we don't know each other, I'm willing to be that person you can correspond with anytime you need. 

Most Sincerely,

Ted

Im here if and when u need to vent bcuz it makes a big difference and i undrstnd what u mean about havn that outlet and for him to just be there one minute and a few hours later gone just gone without um im sorry im havn a hard time and no way of ventn so i get it
I feel like I have the plague. I have repeatedly asked for help, asked for someone to come over and keep me company, etc. Not one person will help. I'm in shock over how all these people who were so quick to tell me how much they love me and how they'll be there for me, have suddenly vanished.

Joanna, 

I can't say, I know how you feel, because no one can know how another feels. That said, I too have been shunned by family, friends, and loved ones since the passing of my wife. And, I don't have a clue what the hell is going on. It hurts so bad. I can't even begin to understand it. I always thought at times like this, loved ones would rally around to provide support. What I've found is abandonment, loneliness, and devastating emptiness &sadness. 

It seems like people say what they think sounds and looks good. And not the truth per say about it because when you call them on it, it seems like the story changes. so you know easy to say oh you can call me anytime but it's harder to make due on that. Like I was told you can talk to me you can tell me how you're feeling it's okay right. But when I took up on that offer It was like ok enough already stop talking to me about it. And I'm just saying like why offered to talk to me if you can't handle what I have to say or if you don't want to be bothered and with me still talking you know. People just don't understand that others handled things differently so if somebody can grasp that concept and maybe just maybe they can look past that and understand and be there as they said.

I agree with you on people disappear quick.  My husband was the one who knew everyone and so most of the people were his friends.  With the exception of a few who text me regularly the others have long forgotten.  And that get's me the maddest not even for myself but I don't want people to forgot my husband or the great person he was.  I don't want people to say oh yeah poor rich he was a great guy who died from lung cancer, because he sure as heck didn't want people to remember him because he got cancer and died at 53.  And I feel the same way that people don't wanna hear you any more.  Like they want you to say "oh I'm great, the world's wonderful" when it's the furthest thing from the truth.  Things I did to make the house nice for him and the kids don't mean the same thing anymore to me.  Yes, I'm doing everything but that's the extent of it.  It will be 11 months on the 27th since he passed away and the pain and loneliness feel worse than the first month.  Now it's final... and everywhere I look in the house I think of something we worked on together to make our house our home... and I miss the time (even if it wasn't a lot every day) that we had a chance just to have a conversation (usually while I was in the kitchen cleaning up or making lunches) we would be able to catch up on the day.. even if it was only 5 minutes.  IDK i texted today and said oh I'm always super busy but I'm always by myself.. and that was fine when I knew he would eventually be coming home at the end of the nite.  Now it's a different world and a lonely world.

It's horrific. Today I am absolutely consumed with fury at my in laws and there's no one I can call and vent to, it's eating me up inside. I am stuck at home with 4 kids and no break and no help 24/7. I really don't know how much longer I can take it.

Joanna,

You children. Just for now, stay with the children.  In mind, In heart and In soul. Stay with your children. Just hold them.

Ted 

I feel horribly guilty for thinking this but the past few days I have been feeling like I want to keep going and live and enjoy life again. I'm only 43 and I don't think I'm ready to give up on life and happiness and love. I still miss Brent and wish he hadn't died but I like living and laughing. There's still a lot of things I want to see and do and experience. Am I being disloyal or selfish?

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