Feeling Thomas, 3 1/2 months gone

[melodie gill]

3 1/2 months without Thomas now and I still feel him urging me-giving me direction.  Tonight I was driving home past a local restaurant and felt the urge to stop for a bite-I resisted and drove past, but the lull was strong so I turned back and went inside only to find my close friend Sergio with some other good friends.  We had a fun, improptu evening and I feel Thomas sent me there.  This is so hard being without him, but I think about how bad he would be if he was still here and he did NOT want that.  So I will try to be open and patient and be glad for any feelings I have that he is with me in spirit and for his never-ending love.  

[cris smith]

Melodie, I am glad you stopped in & were able to get out with friends. I chatted with you awhile back. I made myself drive Rich's truck to Home Depot to pick up mulch and other supplies to do the yard. It was so hard, every time I go into Home Depot by myself I think of Rich (because he was a carpenter and in there all the time). It's a mental thing for me to have to do things like that. He was the one that would run and get me all the materials and he was the one who would line up all my tools. He knew he wasn't in "charge" of the yard but he always referred to himself as "my humble assistant". I always loved being outside and doing all the outside stuff but deep down it was because I knew he appreciated it and I wanted to do it for him and our family. Now it just doesn't seem the same, but I am so glad winter is behind us because the dreary cold winter months only have made me feel so much worse. It's hard to believe it's been almost 11 months without him and I still don't feel like it's entirely real yet and I sure haven't accepted it yet. It's so hard to think of the rest of my life without him.