GriefHope

Help for today & Hope for tomorrow

Hi, I lost my mom in April 2015 and this is my second Christmas without her. I miss her terribly and I cry all the time. I'm 45 and single, no kids, so most days I feel there is no need to get up. I have no purpose. And now its Christmas again. The first Christmas was absolutely horrible. I had to leave the room (I stayed with my brother & his family, like I am again this year) when we put up my mom's homemade ornaments. I cried, and cried, and cried. I usually cry til I wear myself out. I didn't hardly decorate at all, only a little cuz my friend was at my house. I didn't want to listen to Christmas songs, look at lights, or anything else my mom and I did together in years past.

This year isn't much different, but at least there's a little more décor in my house, and a little more Christmas music. But I just hope this season is over quick. I look at the tree with my mom's homemade ornaments and think of her all the time. It hurts, a lot. Last year I wished I could go to sleep in November and wake up in January, with all the décor down. I still wish that this year.

My jealousy for my brother is probably as bad as it was last year. He's married with kids and a business. He's so lucky to have someone to help him thru this if needed. I'm angry because I certainly could have used someone to help me through.  But no, I have to do all this myself! It isn't fair!  This whole thing just sucks! I'm Christian, but my faith has been destroyed. I'm so very angry at God because of everything that's happened. And I feel He gave my brother the help I desperately needed. And that just sucks! I feel left out and overlooked. And whether I was/am or not, doesn't change the fact one lil bit that He didn't come through and I've had to deal with all this alone and I'm so sick of it. I wish I could get a break like my brother did, even just once! I feel lonely, depressed, hopeless and just empty.

I hope Christmas is easier for everyone else, though I know its pretty tough and its not enjoyable like it was (at least for me). I also hope its over soon. I used to absolutely love Christmas, but I really don't care if it comes and goes without me liking it again.

Views: 53

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Baby as a Christian u should not let nothing completely destroy your love for god and his way of living maybe it shook your faith but that's a test god is in control I was you and guess what he didn't give that much pain to your brother because he probably can't carry it u said you can't deal with it but you are dealing with it and it's okay to get mad when holidays come especially because you don't have anyone their to depend on your wrong again your god knows your pain and he has been their pray and mean it ask him to guide you don't let that devil in he wants to control all people and make us weak he's a liar but you have to prove it set one goal for yourself and follow through sometimes it's as simple as a step don't be enviest of your brother pray that he doesn't have to go through that much hurt nor should you either don't get out of character because you are not with him 100% of the time
Just known you are stronger then you think and you can do this I will be praying for you keep ya head up

Reply to Discussion

RSS

© 2024   Created by Judy Davidson.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service