Letter For Those We Lost

[Alexandra Raphaela]

My best friend, told me to write a letter for my son, he died a few months back. And I have to say I felt stupid doing this letter, but it was like a huge pain left my heart, The pain is still there, but I feel better.

Well is my letter to my son Ashton 

.

" 

Hey Ash this is mommy, who else could it be. Your aunt May told to write this to you, and its what mommy is doing. Mommy is feeling a little stupid because I know you can hear everything I say, even when mom and dad are screaming at each other since you are gone. We do love each other but the pain of losing you its bigger.
Daddy for the first 2 months was not home, he was always working. You know hiding his pain in his work. He felt hopeless because he saves strangers, but he could not save the only person that matter, you.

We still have your bedroom, I can't get inside, because when I do I feel like I still your your giggle when daddy used to tell you his bedtime story. Your cute little giggles and laugh was the most amazing sound in the world, until the day you left us you had it. You never let the pain take you that from you. Sometimes I still stay wake all night because I cant sleep because I remember Aubree's phone call from the hospital telling mommy and daddy to go there because of you.

When we got there, there you were, lying down on that bed, lifeless. I don't know you felt it, but I hold you for the next night. I was holding you in my arms while your breath and life were gone. I cried so bloody hard with your body in my arms, while Daddy was just being daddy. He was not with us, and I remember I screamed at him, because I felt that he didnt cared about you. Since the day you left us mommy and daddy are not the same. Till one day that I got tired of that and I went to talk to him, he told me that he hated himself because he could not save you. He cried. I cried, but we felt better from that rainy tears.

Now a few months after I still feel you in my heart, and in our house, in your Believe me or not I see you in your father, in his stormy grey eyes, and his smile with those beautiful dimples of his. And I feel that someday we will get tru this pain, and we will still love you Ashie, no one loves you more than mommy does. Well baby I hope this letter is good, I know it's pathetic but it makes me feel better.
But the most of all Ashie mommy loves you, and I will always do. I will never forget you, because you are the most important thing in my life.
Love you, Mommy"

[Judy Davidson]

Alexandra,
Thank you for sharing this very beautiful and deeply personal lette to your son, Ashton. I can only imagine how you felt then and are feeling now. It took a lot of courage to put your thoughts to paper and it's a breathtaking tribute to Ashton. Communication is key to recovery so keep talking and sharing your story until it no longer hurts to. You are an inspiration to us all ...
Big Hug,
Judy

[Alexandra Raphaela]

Thank you so much Judy, your words are kind, I must say that adter this letter I felt better, you should try do the same, this is a discussion, I would love to read a letter of yours. Believe me, you will feel better after doing it.

The pain may never leave, but it gets easy.

Thank you once more.

Love

Alex

[Lulu]

Thats heartwarming it touched my heart and Im happy it made you feel better. I pray you find comfort in your marriage and things start to mend. Take care Lulu

[Hope]

Yes thank you for sharing this with us. I know what you mean when you said you felt pathetic for writing it; I did too when I thought about writing one to my father after he passed away but it was amazing how I felt afterwards, it was like a huge weight has been lifted for getting out all these things that could've been said or shared before he died.
I hope you'll find peace in your heart, and keep writing as much as you can because it does make a difference especially on the long run.

[Alexandra Raphaela]

Thank you Lulu, I am happy too that it make me feel better, and about my marriage, I hope the same. I hope I dont lose this like I lost my son. But thank you for your kind words.

And Hope, I know right? We somehow think we are pathetic becauser we are writting a letter for someone who is no longer with us, but we somehow also now that they are reading the letter or are with us when we are writing it. 

We just hope so many things that we dont know if happens.

Once more, thank you

[Hillary b]

That letter made me feel better too