grief over losing a child

[leahann myers]

hi my name is leahann and i lost my son bennett when he was 7 months old to lukemia and just need someone to talk to im angry all the time and i fear ever having anymore children bcause it could happen agian please help

[Judy Davidson]

Hi Leahann,

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Words cannot express my empathy toward how you must be feeling.  Thank you having the courage to share your story and reaching out by joining this site.  I pray it provides you Help for TOday & Hope for Tomorrow.  I saw you were communicating with Ted in the chat room and that's great.  Communication is a key toward grief recovery.  Please continue to reach out.  The blogs on the Main page and from members might be helpful too.

God bless,

Judy

Founding member

[maryellenmcquown]

i am so sorry for the loss of your son

[leahann myers]

thank you

[leahann myers]

i wasnt sure how to handle it honestly for the last year since he died i tried to ignore it but that just doesnt seem to be working anymore and someone suggested i try this that it may help me find peace agian

[Haven STILLWATER]

Leahann, I'm so sorry that you lost Bennet. My adult son died last February and losing a child is terrifically hard. This site will surely be helpful. I encourage you to find a Compassionate Friends group as well. They are parents who have lost children of all different ages. (They also welcome siblings and grandparents, etc.)  We go through so many emotions on this path and anger is surely one of them. Can you pinpoint what you are angry about? We are all here to listen and support.

leahann myers said:

i wasnt sure how to handle it honestly for the last year since he died i tried to ignore it but that just doesnt seem to be working anymore and someone suggested i try this that it may help me find peace agian

[leahann myers]

i think the thing i am most angry about is the fact that even though i took him to his peditrician 9 times in the last 2 months of his life with 3 visits to the er also and noone found anything just told me i was parinoid and over protective that he was healthy and i  repeatidly told them there was something very wrong but no one would listen and he had lukemia all along bcell all to be spcific

[leahann myers]

thanks so much for listening and validating my feelings no one around me understands so its nice to talk with people who do

[Haven STILLWATER]

You did all you could for your son. There is no doubt about it. Your anger over not being heard is very easy to understand. I had some very difficult times with doctors and hospitals when my grandson was several months old. (I was given custody of him when he was 2 months old. He will be 2 next week and has some special needs.) It helped me out to write a letter of complaint about all of it. I never did send the letter! But somehow just writing it all out and reading it out loud made me feel like I was heard. I wonder if you could write a letter (and send it or not). It is often said that we must forgive in order to move on but I think it is important to acknowledge our anger and its depth before we can truly forgive people and institutions. You are moving ahead just really knowing what you are angry about! Your little boy had a momma who tried hard for him.

[sarah.]

hi

you aren't alone

i fear ever falling in love because the man i loved with every bone in my body died in front of me  

i dont want to tell u itlll get better and u will move on and have a million babies 

let this heart ache sink, we need it 

i am here for you.

[leahann myers]

thanks you all so much just being heard helps

[Mer]

Hi leahann, I am Mer. I feel your pain. I lost my youngest daughter in May, she was killed in a car wreck. While she was a little older (she was 22) the pain is terrible and the regrets, the what ifs, the i wish... Is still close to the same. We wonder, we question, we wish, we look back and think.... I'm so very sorry for the pain the pain you are going through. I wish their words of condolence that take away the pain, assurances that could dull it. I can't. But I can say that I will listen if you need to vent. You have only to say you need something or need an ear to listen.

-Mer

[Patricia maida]

Hello Mer,
We just lost my nephew last week. He was the son of my twin sister. I do not know how we will all go on. He was her only child, age 28.