GriefHope

Help for today & Hope for tomorrow

I'm 16 year old and in November of 2013 my older brother, David, took his own life. It's been really difficult for me because we were always the closest in our family. My parents and sister don't understand how much he means to me, and it's becoming harder and harder to keep all of my feelings to myself.
My parents have dealt with David's death really poorly and it's been weighing me down for a long time now. My mom can't get past her intense anger at my brother, and she makes it known to the rest of us. A lot of the time she makes me feel like I'm not allowed to miss him or be sad that he's gone. It's awful to see that my mom is so different than I'd always thought..

I really miss my brother. He was my biggest role model, I would always look to him for guidance. He was brilliantly witty, charismatic, and the smartest person I'd ever known. We'd gone through everything together and I feel so lost without him. I don't understand why he left us and I don't know where I can possibly go from here.

I joined this website because I don't really have anyone in my life right now who understands what I'm going through that I can talk to. I'd really appreciate anything that anybody has to say! Thanks.

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Hi Sara,

I am so sorry to hear about your brother ... and that you think your parents and sister aren't handling it well.  I am sure they are hurting as bad as you, but just expressing it in different ways.  You sound like a very wise young lady who is in touch with her feelings.  Communication is key to grief recovery so you're doing a great thing.  Please keep on talking and sharing what you are going through with anyone who will listen.  Joining a local grief group will be really helpful.  Try www.GriefShare.org

Reach out to other members through the Network, Member Blogs and Forum Chats.  The chat room tends to have more people in it at night.  The Home Page has some good Blog Posts too.  I pray the resources here provide Help for Today & Hope for Tomorrow.  You take good care of yourself.  You sound like a special young woman.

God bless,

Judy

Founding member 

Sara, I am so sorry for your loss.  I lost my husband 8 months ago and my 3 sons lost their father.  Your mother sounds very much how my youngest son reacts.  He get's mad when I bring up his father or quote his father on how he would view the situation at hand.  I don't think she wants you not to miss him.  I just think that she is having a hard time dealing without him.  and for her it is probably easier for her to push thru every day by doing the regular routine and pushing forward because that's how she knows how to deal with it.  I don't think any one has the crystal ball answer to deal with loss and I don't think there is one set answer for everyone. I get mad because I feel like people expect you to be moving on, but I'm not moving on at all.  I feel his loss every day and every day something will choke up sadness or tears, and anger as well.  Not at my husband, but at whoever decided it was time to cut his life short at 53 yrs of age with a family who loved him very much.  I do understand what you are feeling and I'm sure so many members will convey the same feelings and offer you encouragement.  You are a strong young woman for only 16 yrs of age.  My youngest son will be 16 in March..and I have two older teens... so I kind of have half an idea what teens go  through these days.  Peace and Strength to you.  Cris Smith

Hi Sara 

I lost someone really special November of 2013 too and I know how difficult it is to face the loss. Suicide leaves so many un answered questions and people tend to cope in their own way such as your family. Guilt could play a big role in your Moms grief and this is why she tends to lean towards anger. All tho its  a little more than a year the loss always feels as it was yesterday and living day to day could take years of pain. There are some Churches hospitals that offer free or low cost grief groups if you and your family could attend that would help a great deal.

So sorry youre dealing with such a great loss at such a young age, your brother sounds like such a wonderful soul . Many blessing for you. 

Lulu 

I agree with cris. They just do not know how to deal with this loss. And it is unfortunately having negative effects on u. I think u should express to them how their negativity is affecting u exactly. Maybe they r looking at u as a child still. Show them u r grown up & r hurting. We will all b here for u no matter what.

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