GriefHope

Help for today & Hope for tomorrow

My 32 year old husband died suddenly on March 8, 2015 and I am lost

My amazing and loving husband had a brain aneurysm last Saturday and died on Sunday. We have 4 kids and I feel like no one understands. He was only 32. When I think about the fact that I will never touch him or hear him again, I panic. I am in unbearable pain.

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Yes, the pain is unbearable. The suffering lasts for a long time. You are here for a reason, and your husband wants to to be here until it is your time to join him. It is not easy. It is unbearable, but we are here. 

Ted

Joanna so sorry to read your story I know what you mean when you say no one understands and they dont really. I think they become afraid of the situation and dont know how to cope so they say the wrong thing or distance them selfs from us. But try and be easy on them because its all new to them also. I lost a wonderful man i was dating a little bit more than a year ago and I felt into a deep depression my life turned upside down and i lived tha way for months and months. Being here can help cope with your loss . reading and sharing the stories may enlighten you. I pray you find comfort . 

Im a 29yr old widow. My husband was killed December 20th, 2014 at our home. We have a 9 yr old son and a 9 mth old daughter now. We live in a small town but have yet to make an arrest in his case. I wish I could tell you that it gets better but it doesnt. Just keep your FAITH and remember its ok to cry whenever you feel necessary. Im here if you need to talk or just cry together.

Patrice, We are a group with the most difficult circumstances that tie us together. Greif, Loss and Transition. I have been searching hour by hour, day by day, week by week, and month by month for answers. For diretion. For some sort of comfort or healing. I'm still searching. After 5 months (today), I just don't want to be here, on this Earth. But I am. Suffering, crying, broken-hearted. This is our common bond. Share if you can. There are those of us who will listen and empathize. Because, we can and we care. 

Ted

Life is very difficult. I miss him terribly. It hurts me to the core that my daughter will never to get to see her dad in the flesh. You try to see the bigger picture but its all so cloudy right now.
I haven't showered in days. Today I couldn't even get dressed and take our 3 year old to school. I've been crying and talking to Brent all day. I was asking why people say they can feel someone's presence but I can't. Does that mean he's not there, that he hated me? At 4, I stood up and said out loud" I'm going to take a shower, maybe I'll feel better" I go into our room and smell his cologne The bottle he had was empty and it's in a drawer so it didn't spill. I thought I imagined it but it followed me into the bathroom and even with the soap and shampoo I could smell it. I don't know what it means or if I'm nuts.

Hi Joanna,

Please take care as best you can. Your experience is not an uncommon one. Your husband is there. The cologne experience is a fairly common sign that he is with you. It is good to talk out-loud to him. Now, as my understanding of this situation, and that's all it is-my understanding, nothing more, you will need to find a balance so that you're husband can do what he needs to do, while also watching over you. 

I hope your pain gives you a break now and then. It's so difficult.

Ted

I'm actually feeling better. We were so lucky. I can honestly say that I never doubted his love or fidelity. We had less than 5 fights and they always seemed awful because they were so rare. Our children never even knew because they were never awake the few times we argued. All of their memories are good and that's truly a gift. I'm choosing to believe that my husband is still around, watching over me and loving me just like he did when he was alive.

Personally, I'm certain he is. There are things we can do in an attempt to access our loved ones on the other side. I've just started to work on that. i want with all my soul to keep in contact, if possible, with my wife. I just miss her so much and hurt so badly.

I am glad to hear you are feeling a bit better. 

Ted

The missing is the worst. My parents took care of everything financially that would make things easier. Hiring someone to shovel snow, someone to fix things, etc. But no amount of money can fix the missing place beside me. I'm not from Iowa, my family and friends are back in San Diego. Brent was my best friend and constant companion. We had no social life because all we wanted and needed was the kids and each other. Because we were so close, I think the loss of him is even more crushing. I don't have anyone to come and hang out and talk to about him.

Joanna, The exact same is true for me. My wife and I are not residents of the state she died in and that I now am in. No friends, not anyone to be with at all. It is so lonely and sad. I don't even know what life looks like at this point. 

Ted

Joanna I am so sorry for your loss.  I lost my husband almost 10 months ago and we have 3 children. Like you my husband and I made our world about the 2 of us and our kids and it's hard because he was my rock and I was his.  And now I just feel so very alone like the world goes on but I am moving at a different speed.  You have to function for the kids but inside I feel like my life ended when his ended.  and it's always the good ones that he takes.. at least to me it seems that way.  There is no rhyme or reason, there is no why and there is no making sense of it all.. It just IS.  And almost 10 months later I still find it so unreal and unimagineable.  I never thought I would be by myself. I thought he would be there forever. Talking or posting to others who are in the same boat does help... in some small way.  

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