Struggling to find a way to cope

[Emmie]

I lost my grandfather 21st December 2016 and that day was the worst day of my life so far. Ive experience loss before but this felt like my heart was ripped in two. My grandfather was poorly for a few years before but he got worse as the time went on. I live with them and saw him go from my fun loving funny granddad to a shell of his former self. I saw him that morning and he was fine I only went to get my hair done but when I came back he couldn't breath. My grandmother left with him in the ambulance and I sat at home waiting and waiting. I found out when my sister phoned to say she saw it on facebook. It didn't feel real it still doesn't that he could have gone.

He was my rock like a dad and now theres nothing. Some days I can get through without tears or feeling like I cant breathe but other days its like someone is sitting on my chest and I cant breathe I have no idea what to do.

I don't know what to do with this never ending pain?