GriefHope

Help for today & Hope for tomorrow

Lost them all in one night. That’s all it takes..

Reaching nearly a year since my father took 4 of our families lives and had no choice but to give his own. Time feels like nothing. I don’t feel like I have progressed in healing at all.. just searching for help.

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I pray that you have gotten some help since this post
Hi Ell I wasn't able to read your response, when I accepted the friend request it deleted the message. I hope you are doing ok today. LaDonna
I haven’t found any real source of help. But I have learned to keep going and take days one at a time. Thank you for reaching out. You are the first.
Oh my. Just so much for you to shoulder alone. Praying for you. I can’t imagine! There is a God and I pray He can help. Please don’t blame Him for this evil and fallen world. Forgiveness is key, but truthfully it is very, very hard. God, and only God can cause forgiveness to be authentic. Pray. I have been praying and have felt some relief... but no joy ... no peace. But I am not giving up. Please do not give up. You are here for a reason. Someone needs you. I tell this to myself every day as I plod along this grief path.
For me grief is one of the hardest things. It’s something that sneaks up on you when you think your having a semi good day or it’s just something that smacks you in the face the moment you wake up. I lost all my siblings so I lost all my best friends. I put a smile on my face for my kids cause they deserve a mom that’s present even when I feel anything but... just know you don’t have to be perfect or great for the day you just have to be good enough.

Feel the exact same.  2 younger brothers took their own lives.  That was 4 years ago.  I don't feel any different from the day i found out.

Justin. Its odd that of all days i get the notification someone has reached out to my post. I just now have read the previous responses and I am so grateful for those who have taken the time to leave thier thoughts. But whats odd is that not even an hour before I read your post, I was crying in my car. Feeling absolutely the same as the day it happened. Its been a little over 2 years and its never hit like this. Suppressing things isnt the best way to cope but sometimes it helps.. I am so sorry to hear about your brothers. I know how lost and confusing it is.. I wish I had some motivational advice for you.. But I dont. What I do have is my own personal experience and what Ive done to keep going.. Knowing that there are things I cannot control and that i cannot know.. And thats okay. I keep a bright smile and a happy heart so that I attract all the love i can so that I dont feel the constant void and ultimately suffer more for not living as i should have. There is a word. It means a lot to me. If you find the time look it up. Its put a perfect perspective of how I feel in my head and it might help. Thank you agaon justin. And everyone who has taken time to shine light at my darkness. ❤
the word is Saudade.

Ell, I finally feel a little less alone.  When I posted that it was the exact 4 year anniversary.  Usually the birthdays and anniversaries don't add any extra grief.  Its just another painful day along with all the rest.  My sister usually struggles more those days.  But the few days leading up to it and then that day.......I was just crumbling.  Its the first time i tried reaching out to grief counselors and groups.  I saw your post and completely felt for you.  Im so sorry.  I cry a lot in the car too.  Likely because its a place to be alone where no one can hear a grown man cry and because I always have music on which reminds me there is still a lot of beauty left for me to admire despite my pain.  Its a beautiful word.  Its trippy because I often consider myself in a wistful mood.  Which is basically a synonym of Saudade.  Thanks for sharing and responding.  

Ell said:

the word is Saudade.

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