Reaching nearly a year since my father took 4 of our families lives and had no choice but to give his own. Time feels like nothing. I don’t feel like I have progressed in healing at all.. just searching for help.
Oh my. Just so much for you to shoulder alone. Praying for you. I can’t imagine! There is a God and I pray He can help. Please don’t blame Him for this evil and fallen world. Forgiveness is key, but truthfully it is very, very hard. God, and only God can cause forgiveness to be authentic. Pray. I have been praying and have felt some relief... but no joy ... no peace. But I am not giving up. Please do not give up. You are here for a reason. Someone needs you. I tell this to myself every day as I plod along this grief path.
For me grief is one of the hardest things. It’s something that sneaks up on you when you think your having a semi good day or it’s just something that smacks you in the face the moment you wake up. I lost all my siblings so I lost all my best friends. I put a smile on my face for my kids cause they deserve a mom that’s present even when I feel anything but... just know you don’t have to be perfect or great for the day you just have to be good enough.