My son was born at the end of July 2019, the very next day his father had killed himself by laying down in front of a train. My sons father had a long history of emotional and mental issues, including borderline personality disorder, substance abuse, eating disorders, severe depression, and high anxiety. He had also recently recieved a bad diagnosis about his physical health. He was a young, creative, intelligent and talented man, but his mental and physical health had declined, he was using again, and was often homeless more than he wasn't. While we hadn't been together for a while, this is my sons father, the closest death I've ever experienced, and the first suicide to impact me. As a new mother I feel very alone, and am dealing with my own depression. I feel like the pain will never leave.