GriefHope

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Well, I have recently loss my husband of 36 yrs to a stroke,my world is shatter and my heart is so broken i will never feel anything again.He was the best husband anyone could of have,and a great father to our 3 children.I feel cheated and very overwhelm with doing things for myself, he was the person that i leaned on all the time,we was like two peas in a pod.he would leave for work and two minutes later send me a text saying i love you and miss you.we was high school sweet hearts.I am trying to go on but its just to hard.I have no life without him,as  i am writing this, the tears are just flowing from my eyes,the kids check on me and call me all the time but its not the same conversations that i would have with there father.Kenny was only 55,but a workaholic he would work 12 to 14 hours a day.So if anybody is feeling only and broken i do know how you feel.We had a wonderful marriage and great life together but it was just to short! I cant sleep but for a few minutes and yes i have been to the doctors.I just dont know which way to turn.

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Comment by Marie on January 10, 2020 at 1:28pm

Linda,

I am so sorry for your loss.  I strongly relate to you and what you're experiencing.  I lost my husband of 33 years (also high school sweethearts) unexpectedly.  This was late October this year.  I know the loneliness and heartbreak you are feeling.  It is sometimes unbearable.  The only real comfort to me has been communion with those who have gone through what we have.  Thoughts and hugs to you.

Comment by Sylvia Freifeld on January 10, 2020 at 3:57pm

Linda I am so sorry, I lost my husband 9 mo ago after 61 years of marrriage.  We were high school sweethearts too I met him at the age of 16. I know exactly how you feel. Your world crashed and you will never be the same. My advice to you is try to move on I know it is very hard and much easier to say but you have to I am sure your husband would want you too. I also know that  you feel that you can't but You have to try and keep busy. It will get easier for you as time goes by. You will never forget and he will be in your heart forever

Comment by Edward Janne on January 14, 2020 at 11:52am

Dear Linda, I, too, lost my husband just a month ago. The grief and loneliness that you are feeling is normal. You must not fault yourself for feeling it. As long as you ensure you are fed, get enough rest, and are safe physically and financially, anything else can be put off until you feel ready. It’s OK to feel like you can’t go on, that you don’t even WANT to go on, as long as you don’t actively seek to harm yourself, or have thoughts or plans of suicide. If you have any such thoughts, PLEASE seek help.

I just take it one moment at a time. Just focus on the next thing. If I feel like washing a dish, I wash a dish. If I feel like taking a walk, I take a walk. If I feel like crying, I cry. Sleep whenever I can. Moment to moment. Day by day.

Grief groups help: being around people who have also lost and understand that there’s nothing that can be done to fix me or make me feel better, that the best thing for me is simply to be present and to reflect my grief, and to let me know that I am NOT alone. It helped to schedule weekly or monthly activities to occupy my time, whether I enjoy them or not, just to be around people who may or may not know that I am grieving. And if I suddenly feel overwhelmed by grief and start sobbing, so be it. It’s my grief, and I get to choose when to feel it. Those who understand will give me space. Those who don’t, well, they will some day.

Right now the grief is intense and constant and overwhelming and all-consuming. And I will always grieve for my husband because I love him and always will. But, I find it comes in waves, and in between I may feel numb or on automatic. The waves vary in intensity and over time, they will come after longer periods in between and I will begin to feel it easier to function. I have unexpected spikes of joy which are punctuated by racking sobs. But as with any serious physical injury, my emotions need to be nurtured and exercised and allowed to recuperate and eventually regain their strength. It won’t happen over night. But I must keep at it, allowing myself to feel all of the emotions: grief, anger, despair, loneliness, regret ... but also, in small amounts at first but with increasing frequency and intensity: comfort, warmth, peace, love, belonging, grace ... and joy. And some day, I hope I will be able to compartmentalize my grief. It will remain a part of me, but not ALL of me.

My heart goes out to you. I miss my husband, too. For years, everything I did was with a thought for him. Every time I had good food, or saw a beautiful sunrise, or watched a stimulating TV program, it was with a joy of sharing that with him. And now, suddenly, that is gone, and every good thing in my life, whether old and familiar, or new and exciting, is just a reminder of that. It will be a challenge to learn again to enjoy life just for me again. But I strongly believe that it is the only way to honor him, to love myself the way I loved him, and he loved me.

Comment by Diane on November 5, 2020 at 5:01pm

Dear Linda. I also just lost my husband 3 weeks ago. I feel everything you wrote. It’s like part of me has died. It’s very exhausting. My family is very supportive but I am suffering so much. It’s hard to imagine living a life without his presence. How do we deal?

Comment by Steve on December 20, 2020 at 11:10pm

I lost my wife of 47 years two weeks ago. Every day I ask her for a sign to come join her. 

we were very close and had no children. I have a couple of family members emailing me and calling every day but sometimes the sorrow is unbearable.

this is like living in a never ending nightmare.  I don't know if I'm going to make it.  I don't know if I care to.

Comment by Katherine Stanley on January 24, 2021 at 10:24pm

I understand were coming from I was married to my husband for 14 yrs 11 yrs ago we got divorced we were separated 8 months in 25 yrs on January 12 2021 he passed sudden he was 45 yrs  old I have two grown boys by him. To beat it all the other man I always depended on in my life past away 2 days later. Jake was husbands name I call him that because we always said we got married before eyes god so his eyes we were still married. Four weeks before he died he came to my upstairs bedroom window got knees asked me marry again. I feel completely totally alone I'm lost I'm almost at point were may have to do some kind in patient care just get help fast enough

Comment by Linda on January 25, 2021 at 2:54am
So sorry for everybody lose, it’s so horrible.Well 6 month to the Dayton losing the love of my life, I also lost my mom and things hasn’t got any better I just cope and move forward for our kids. The last 15 months has been the most stressful and horrible time in my life. All I do is work,and I have to push myself to do that.I still cry everyday and miss him more and more each day.The lonely feeling never leaves,my heart is just so broken and will never repair itself.
Comment by v. Luna on May 17, 2021 at 8:51pm

I m going thru the same grieving I lost my husband on Feb 26 2021 married to him for 40 Yrs. I have been going thru so much sadness, their days I so down and days I feel ok. I don't know how to cope with my loss. I'm trying very hard as day by day goes by 

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