My Daughter

[Henry G. Fernandez]

I lost my daughter on December 14, 2012. She is now in heaven and not suffering anymore from the brain cancer.  My daughter went on her journey home in my arms and I feel that it was right for her to be in daddy's arms at her passing. I recited Psalm 23 twice and told her that it was okay, we would be fine and that I loved her more than anything in the world.  She was 41 and still daddy's baby.  I miss her so much, my grandkids are doing fine. I don't want to take the anti-depressants that the Kaiser Drs. want to give me.  I know I can hack it but it just hurts so bad and I just know that I will never get over it.  What can I do to make this loss better. She was a social worker and she would be telling me to move forward, that is "what your daughter would want".  I don't know if she can hear me or see me, I feel her around me but maybe it's just my imagination.  I miss her so much and need to talk about it. Her mom and I are divorced and have been communicating well but we have separate lives.  Are there any groups that can help me.  I feel as though a group with others in a similar situation will only remind me of the my daughter more.  I'm just lost and don't know how to handle it.  I'm just talking I guess and hoping that someone is listening.  Hank

 

 

[maryellenmcquown]

wow that was nice of you to say i am thankful 

[Henry G. Fernandez]

Thanks Elizabeth, appreciated. Peace to you my friend.  Hank

[Henry G. Fernandez]

It's good to tlak to people who have had similar losses, it's sad but comforting.  I hope you are doing well.  Thanks for listening.  Hank

maryellenmcquown said:

wow that was nice of you to say i am thankful 

[Laurene Johnson]

Hank how did your first week of work go, have been thinking about you this week. I had a tough week.

[maryellenmcquown]

i am thinking of you and i want to see how you are doing 

[Henry G. Fernandez]

Sorry for the late response, spent some time with my grandaughter today, it was nice.  She seems to be doing much better than I am. She reminds me so much of my daughter too. My first week at work went okay...some people don't know how to react and some are emotional.  Some of them are a little insensitive...like you said, they're not greif counselors.  For the most part it was nice ot be back at work. It will probably be better as time goes by and they stop talking about it.  Hope you are doing well.  Thanks for being here, I really appreciate it.  Hank

 

[Laurene Johnson]

I am glad you did okay at work, one day at a time, and yes being with your granddaughter is good medicine. I often say the greatest gift Michael gave me was my children, my daughter looks like him, my oldest son has his sweet calm nature and my youngest son has his funny loving attitude
at life. Everyday I see them I see him. You know it is the little things that will bring back Joy in our lives, even if is only for a moment. Peace to you my friend.

[Laurene Johnson]

Hank have had you in my prayers and thoughts, how are you doing this week

[Henry G. Fernandez]

Hi Laurene,

I'm doing okay, everything reminds me of Briana. I do cry when driving by myself for some reason.  I just miss her so much and I will never see her again.  I love my Briana so much I just can't take it most of the time. I'm starting to be mad at God and that upsets me.  I'm doubting things that I've believed in for a long time. I wonder if there is just nothing after passing and so there is no pain or no anything.  I wonder if she can see me or feel my love for her.  I will know or not know some day of course.  What I have learned though is that I am not afraid of death at all. Sorry for my rant, I'm just glad that you are out there for those of us that are suffering these loses.  Sorry Laurene, thanks for listening. Hank

[Laurene Johnson]

I will always listen. It is natural to be angry with God, it is part of the grief process. At first I was very angry with God, then I was angry with Michael for leaving me, then angry with myself for being upset with him and God. I felt I must have been an incompetent nurse that I could not save him or make the doctors save him. These feelings may have been foolish but it was how I felt. If I have learned one thing in all this is however you feel it is okay. Your daughter knows you are in pain and loves you all the more, for we only grieve because of love.

[maryellenmcquown]

it sure is normal to be mad at god and have all kinds of feelings  it is OK to rant at least your getting your feelings out hank and that is good but painful i am so so so so very sorry for your loss i am here for you as well 

[Henry G. Fernandez]

I want to thank you for anwering me. I feel like such a kid sometimes.  I just can't get a hold of all this and be more in control. Thank you so much for being here for me.  God knows I need your friendships.  Off to work ladies, thanks for all your help. Hank