Not a stranger to loss

[Kim Ducharme]

My name is Kim, and I am definitely not a stranger to loss of loved ones. When I was 2 years old my brother, who was 5, was diagnosed with cancer, and when I was 7, and he was 10 he lost his battle. Over the years I've lost grandparents and uncles. Then the unthinkable happened in May 2013, and I lost my best friend. It was a car accident so it was sudden. I was awoken from my sleep to be told the horrible news. We live in different states so I traveled to Arizona to be there, and to read her eulogy. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. Reports later confirmed she had been driving drunk when she wrecked, which makes the situation that much harder. A month later, my cousin's mom and step-dad were both killed in a car accident hit by a drunk driver, and my cousin remained in critical condition for weeks. Then, two days ago, I lost a 35 year old cousin to breast cancer. All from the same side of the family. This year has been really rough, and some days are a lot harder than others. I miss my best friend the most, and not a day goes by that I don't think of her. She was 24 years old, and way too young. I struggle with it because she confessed to me that she needed help with her alcoholism countless times, and when I tried to reach out to her family, they didn't do anything, so when she died because of alcohol, I was angry. I am still angry, and get frustrated that nobody tried to reach out and help her. I've had a really hard time, and I just need support to reach out to that understand what I am going through. Most people who aren't grieving with you, expect you to move on quickly, and feel I shouldn't still be talking about her. 

Thank you,

Kim

[Laurene Johnson]

I have found the second hardest part of grief is the stupid things people say to you, I too hate how people think you are just to move on, like there is some magic number of how long to grieve. We both know talking about it helps more than anyone knows. Now it is normal to be angry, one of the grief steps, and you are angry on multiple levels, so recognize this and know it is okay. So much loss in your life for someone so young. I have found with all my loss that helping others with theirs is some comfort. Perhaps a support group in your area.

[Kim Ducharme]

Thank you Laurene. I haven't thought about trying to find a support group, only just trying to find a therapist I can talk to and get it all off my chest.

[Laurene Johnson]

I know that a loss can consume us. I lost my Husband two years ago, my mother 12 years ago, and my sister 39 years ago. Each time the grief was at times overwhelming. The loss of my husband was losing my best friend, my lover, and my partner in life. We were together 33 years, he was 52 when he died of a long illness. I was angry at doctors who could not save him, angry with myself that I was not a better nurse, etc. 10 months I was not able to work because I felt was not a good nurse. I questioned everything that was good in my life. Those who have never loss someone can never understand what you are going through. A support group is full of people who understand, because they too are hurting. They understand that you need to talk about it. I have had great success
In this web site, I feel better helping others. My best advice is it is okay to feel anyway you want, and grief is so different for each person, and each situation. Call your local hospital social service department if they don't have a support group they can tell you how to find one. Even if you only go a few times it might help,and if the leader of the group feels like you need individual therapy they can help guide you. Good luck in your search for answers, they come slowly and there is no clock on grief.

[maryellenmcquown]

wow thanks your so right take your time in grief that is w this is  not your what you need to do right not your fault