I lost my father in a tragic accident in December. The first few days after his death were horrible. I had trouble eating and sleeping. I traveled home for the service, spent a good week with my Mom and family. The service was extremely difficult. I live out of state and hadn't been home in years. Even when I knew my Father's health was deteriorating, I didn't make time to go home. I hate myself for that now.
My problem is, since I've come home, I've had brief periods of grief and mourning. But I feel like it's still a dream. Am I in the stage of denial? Why don't I feel more sad? And how long will it take to hit me? Is it because I've been so removed geographically from my family that this loss has not hit me harder? I feel ashamed with how calm I am at most times. I feel like I should be grieving harder. Can anyone relate, or am I a selfish monster?