Unbearable Grief

[Cheryl Andersen]

I lost my mother on October 17th, 2012 and did not realize I would be feeling such a pain in my heart.  I was her caregiver in one capacity or another for the last 12 years and suddenly there is a vacancy in my life of the time spent caring for her.  While I am glad that she is no longer in pain or suffering, I selfishly find myself wanting her back.  I thought that I was ready to let her go, having seen her come through one crisis after another all those years.  She was a strong little thing and my husband called her the "Banty Rooster".  Not only for her tenacity but for her fight to the very end.  We did not always have a good relationship, especially during my childhood when she sent us to live with our father and step-mother.  However, in the years when she came to live closer to me, were were able to talk and say those things that needed to be said so that forgiveness could take place.  The ups and downs of this grieving stuff is definitely draining and I sometimes think I can't bear another minute of it.  When I feel that way my husband tells me that the reason it hurts so much is that I loved her so much.  I know that grief is different for everyone and can last for weeks, months or years.  I am hopeful that by finding this site I have found a place where I can share my feelings and not have to hide them like I feel I need to with many of my friends who have not yet experienced this type of pain.

[Laurene Johnson]

Yes, grief is painful, I have a new saying since I lost my Husband, time does not heal but the changes we make in our lives over time that give some relief. You have reached out to others who understand and for me this was a big step. Friends who have not had a great loss do not know what to say, others who have lost a parent may not have suffered to the same level you are. If I can say one thing that may help, your feelings are yours and there is no right or wrong in that. Stay with the blog, it has truly helped me.