Almost a Year

[India]

December 11 2014 6am I had woken up to the sound of my husbands IV machine going off as it always had done. So I got up from our bed switched out his bags checked on him as I always had made sure he was breathing ok. I laid back down beside him kissed his hand as i held it told him i loved him and fell back asleep beside him. 2hrs later I woke up to my son waiting for me to get him ready for school, as I looked over at my husband my son instantly said whats wrong with Craig mom, he was gone passed away within the 2hrs i had previously checked on him.....He lost the battle with cancer and even though i knew the chances of his survival with being diagnosed at stage 4 gastric cancer i still stayed by his side married a sick man because from the moment i had met him only a yr before i knew he was my soulmate, he made me feel so loved and wanted i never once felt insecure or unhappy i had finally found one person who completed me besides my son. I never had loved anyone the way i love my husband craig. But now i have pushed it all down away from thought tried to move on way to soon and now i feel lke im living a lie that nothing is real that not even who i am is real anymore....everything has changed i have changed i am lost.....with no one to turn to who has even the slightest idea of how i feel or understand me at all....im alone in my suffering and i bare with it everyday....