baby loss

[kellyt]

I don't no really wee to start has for the last few weeks my head has been everywere il start of with last year I fell pregnant ,, a week after finding out I started to bleed went for scans couldn't find my baby another week went by the couldn't seem to see what was going on and kept sending me home until one day on my way home from hospital I collapsed in the street and had to ring an ambulance with horrific pain , it was unbearable I arrived at the hospital at 3 am and was seen to at 11 pm after being in pain so long I was shaking it was terrible I was just left to lie on plastic chaires then I was lead to a word to be left again until the morning until they told me it was an ectopic and was shown a piece of paper to sign over I was to end my pregnancy I cried so much signing a piece of paper I felt awfull but I new I had to or I wouldn't be here today how selfish does that sound now it haunts me , few mounths after this happning I fell pregnant again me and my partner was over the moon I then went on to have a miscarage and then another this year in may I couldn't believe what was happning what had I done so rong for this to keep happning no matter how many times it happened it hurts just as much as the first time ,,,,, now I am 9 week pregnant I cant get my head around it or seem to be happy im anxius all the time im worried all the time I have paid for 2 scans already just to check my baby s heart beat and its still there but I still don't seem to feel settled I feel like I am going out of my mind .... and don't no how to cope with being pregnant this time around all I am thinking is how long is it going to be until my baby will be took again ... there is no positive I me at all and all I want to do is cry I don't even want to leave my home incase anything happens ....