Help for today & Hope for tomorrow

Hi im antonio lewis and i lost a 3 yr old boy to an overdose. Not a day goes by that I dont miss him and wish he was back in my arms I loved him so much he was my life . His name was Kyrin Lamere Lewis and he was a viberant child with so much energy and an open book of passion to love and please anyone he cared about he might only been 3 but he was alot smarter than his age and he even looked older than he was. His mother left a tylenol dropper of methadone sitting on the counter and he got ahold of it now in his eyes he was only trying to show us that he was a big boy and could take his medicine all on his own little did he no it was her medicine he drank. God nos i wish i wudve seen that dropper that night i cudve put it up and hed still b here, It sucks that his mother got so careless bc this wudnt have happened if she wudve been more aware and put it up. But theresa nothing i can do about it now and it sucks like hell i feel that i have a hole in my heart that cant b filled and that my life is practically over bc i dont have him anymore. The thing is I have other children and they are the reason why i havnt ended it and called it quits bc i cant give up on them bc its not their fault nd they shudnt have to suffer with losing a father in the process too. Its jus hard to wake up enthusiastic everyday nand keep fighting bc i no ill never b whole again and its devistating to think about everyday but i cant seem to stop thinking about it its like a movie that keeps replaying over and over again no matter what i do life jus doesnt feel the same anymore. I couldnt tell you the last time i was happy and thats what sucks bc i feel like im doing my other children wrong bc i have to put on a face for them that doesnt actually exist and i feel shitty bc of it but what can i do i feel lost without my son and jus dont no how to handle it. Sometimes i feel like dying bc i no that the pain will go away but i no that thats not an option but god nos i would love to take that option and just be done with it all bc my sons not coming back and i cant handle the thought of that.

Views: 77

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

 Kyrin Lamere Lewis, what a blessing he is to you!  Thank you for sharing the essence of this child who blesses all of you with remembered smiles, zest for life, and hugs.  Thank you for sharing him with us in your post.  Where is your heart, today?  Do you want to share?

AniLo (I am His)

How are you doing now? I wish you the best. I know the pain can be great, but you just cherish in your mind the tme you did spend with your baby.I don't know if you are a Christian, but know that  ALL SOULS BELONG TO GOD.-Ezekiel 18:4kjv... & that's exactly where your gift of life is now. God loaned him to you to feel the power of a true blessing. 

I know the feeling of having a whole in your heart from the pain and wishing that different decisions would have proposed a different outcome. I know the feeling of having to live and cry more for your regret and guilt of feeling like you could have done something differently. 

Just remember that GOD is in control of ALL things.- Isaiah 41:10kjv

God bless you. Alot of what you wrote up in your message hit me hard because I am feeling that same way with despair, sorrow, and putting a mask on for the other kids. Let God in...and he can help. I had a sudden loss my son 7 years old fatal asthma attack that lead to brain death. I will not forget him...he exists. Sorry for your loss.
I feel your pain too I lost my little girl at 3 and a half , different circumstances but I do sympathize with you.I hope you can heal from that deep pain you feel.I still haven't!

This collection of Christmas cards is fitting for any occasion. Whether it be a birthday, an anniversary or a generic card containing nothing but joy, we've got you covered. Make everyone smile by choosing a bespoke card with your own photos as the focal point!

Reply to Discussion


© 2024   Created by Judy Davidson.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service