Help for today & Hope for tomorrow

Dying father

Hi there, my dad has myelofibrosis, which is a cancer of the blood. He is asymptomatic, but he is scared ever since being diagnosed. Him and I are the two in the family who seem to be not recovering from the confirmation of it. I'm only 17, and I'm so afraid he will die before I'm ready. I have nobody to talk to, my dad is the one I always go to for advice but I don't want to scare him.

My grandmother passed away from lymphoma so I know how this whole cancer thing goes, and I'm not ready to see my dad go through that. I don't really want to tell any friends because nobody really cares, they all just go along with the whole "i'm so sorry!" act.

My mom can see I'm being effected by this, I feel very depressed all the time and theres only one person who can cheer me up, and that's my dad.

Myelofibrosis is a cancer that someone can live with for a very long time, but I'm a very emotional and irrational person when it comes to things like this. I know he is not going to die any time soon, but I do think I do not deserve the title of the "emotional teenager". Am I overreacting?

How do I stop worrying about it? It's all I can think about, and I just keep replaying times in my mind when I disappointed my dad. I love him so much and I don't want him to be ashamed of me, but theres nothing to be proud of.

I've gained so much weight since the diagnosis, I have been stress eating and barely sleeping. I don't know what to do.

I don't want him to die.

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Permalink Reply by Judy Davidson on July 24, 2016 at 12:54pm

Jacqueline,

Welcome to Grief Hope Network and thank you for sharing your story and your feelings. I am so sorry to hear about your father. HUGE hug! Please know that whatever you are thinking and feeling is OK. It's tough enough being a teenager so it's normal to feel the way you do with your dad's illness as well. Something that helped me when I knew my mother was going to go to heaven in a few years, was to make a decision that no matter what, I would try enjoying every moment I was with her. When she went to heaven, I had no regrets, knowing that she had the best quality of life.

Feel free to share however you are feeling; we all understand. You have made a BIG first step in reaching out to others who know how you feel.

All members here have empathy for what you are going through. I'm recovering from the loss of my mother in February. My husband passed away in 2004 and I started this site to help others a few years ago. Please reach out to other members through the Network, Member Blogs and Forum Chats. The chat room tends to have more people in it at night. The Home Page has some good Blog Posts too. I pray the resources here provide Help for Today & Hope for Tomorrow. You take good care of yourself. BIG hug!