Hello, i'm new to the site and i'm looking for some help dealing with my loss. My loss is not as specific as many people who have lost some"one". Years ago when I was little I had a very loving father and brother and perfect life. There was so much LOVE and connection, fun and joy.. and each day I did everything with both of them. Later in life around pre-teen age all of that was ripped away from me and I became numb, forgetting about the good times and those people. It was only recently that it all came rushing back and now all i can think about is what I lost, who I lost (my brother and dad) and that life I used to have.
My difficulty comes in a couple of things, one is the feeling like I want to live back in my childhood again during the happy times with my brother and dad. I don't want to be here and now anymore because they're not here now. I want to reject this reality here and now and go back there. The only comfort I get is living in the "memories" causing me to just sit in one spot all day staring into space. But living in the memories also brings me the pain of reminding me i'm not physically living them anymore. Every time I dare try to be in the present I suddenly feel like nothing here matters and there's nothing here to look forward to or be happy about simply because it's not my childhood with my brother and dad, because they're not here. Is this normal and will it pass?
My second issue is a fear I have accompanied with this. When my grieving process does complete and end, whether it be weeks from now or years from now, i'm afraid that I will never feel passion for my life here and now anymore. I'm afraid that once i've moved on from the past I long for so much and stop longing for it, that I will still feel like my current life is empty, like I won't want it ever again. Will I ever be happy in my current life without everything I had back then?
Tags:
You could say that. I just want to know that i'm not going to be like this forever. I want to enjoy something again. Thank you for replying, I'm a little afraid to enjoy something that i didn't enjoy with them because i fear it will take me away from them.
it will come when enjoy things grief takes time
I mourn for my past, too. I've lost many aunts and uncles and even a cousin. We had family traditions, holidays,, weddings, births, celebrations. They have all died. Those days are gone. I understand we have to mourn our childhood memories as much as we mourn people we have lost. It's a normal part of grieving and moving on. We eventually remember those days lovingly, the good times, and the things that made us, us. We have to look to today and our future and find what makes us happy, loved, and joyful now. The past is gone. We need to mourn it, and move on. It's a process and doesn't happen smoothly, there are ups and downs, but you will move on.
© 2024 Created by Judy Davidson. Powered by