How to Help my Son?

[Dominique Gildea]

My not-quite (almost) 7 year old son lost his biological father this past week. I am really lost. We've had some great advice from professionals and other well meaning people but I just don't even know where to begin.

His father was alcoholic and only had weekly overnights with him 3x a month so his access to him was limited and his father didn't make much effort to be around otherwise. Thankfully for that, my son's memories of his father while still vivid right now, will not be as plentiful as they were when he was at his worst and slowly killing himself.

I too, although remarried, am grieving the loss of someone I loved and shared a child with. 

I don't know how to help my kiddo except the obvious. One step at a time. The overprotective mom in me wants to not let him go to the actual funeral service as it will be large and overwhelming. He will get to say goodbye tomorrow at a private family viewing. 

Anyone know anyone or ever been through this and able to give me some insight? 

[Judy Davidson]

Hi Dominique,

Thank you for sharing your story.  I'm so sorry that you and your son are experiencing the loss of his father.  The circumstances make it more complicated.  Communication is key to grief recovery.  My son was 4 when his father died suddenly.  Even though it's been 10 years, we have an open door policy to talk about him anytime.  In the early days, it helped to take the sting of the loss away and to normalize the situation. Your son is 7, so I suggest asking him if he'd like to attend the funeral service.  Due to his limited involvement with his dad, you may want to try including him in everything he is comfortable with.  Also, try saving some momentos of his father's.  My husband wasn't perfect either (who is?) but I always try protecting my son's memory of his father by referring to him in a positive manner.

I hope this insight is helpful and pray this site provides Help for Today & Hope for Tomorrow.

BIG HUG,

Judy

Founding member