How are you doing today? Have you been able to take a few steps forward? I lost my husband in July this year, I still think about joining him in the other world. I lost him to suicide and he was very functional and appeared normal to everyone. I was the one who found him and that picture flashes in my mind involuntarily.
I guess we just need to take it as it comes to us, can't run away or escape the grief.
Hi Alex, how are you today? My husband had health problems beyond addiction, but alcohol was the final nail in his coffin. I feel angry and sad that he couldn't give it up sooner, that i (or his kids, or himself) wasnt enough, that i couldnt help him. At the very end he said he had given it up, the doctors didn't think so, but I'll never really know. I feel guilty for not doing more to stop it sooner, but i know realistically it just would have driven a wedge between us and probably he would have continued until he was ready. I miss him so much. He was larger than life, and everything is quiet and empty without him. I can't stop thinking about his final day in the hospital, how he looked when he died, and how neither of us thought it was the end for him. I hope since your post you have found some peace.