Lost my soulmate in February

[Love Bunny]

When I was 17, I met this amazing guy who was 4 years older. I was surprised when my parents allowed it but they really liked him and we dated the entire summer that year until he had to move back home from college. Later that year, I reconciled with my high school sweetheart and got married. After two years of a terrible marriage, my first husband left me for another woman. I was devastated. I was 20 years old and divorced. One day while in a chat room, I ran into my old friend from that summer. We chatted and planned to meet up but it never happened mainly because I was in Alabama and he had moved to Georgia. Later that year, I met my second husband and married him. Last April my second husband shared with me that he no longer loved me and wanted a divorce. Stupid me begged him to stay. To try to make it work for our son who was 2 at the time. He agreed although he was very cold. Stopped wearing his wedding ring. Slept in a separate bedroom. I lived like that trying to save my marriage until October 2014. I received a Facebook message from my friend from way back. It had been 12 years since we spoke but it seemed like it had been no time. He made me feel so beautiful and wanted. He made all of the bad stuff going on (my husband's admitted infidelities, his relationship with a 19 years old, his emotional abuse) seem like it was bearable. We were going to be together officially April 1st after my husband moved out. He made me feel so loved, so needed, so beautiful. I spoke with him on a Saturday night. He was happy and joking around with me like normal. Had plans to visit with his two daughters that Sunday and we were going to spend that next Monday together. I never heard from him on Sunday. He always texted me right when he woke up....."Good morning you insanely gorgeous woman"....no answer when I called. I tried contacting his family but couldn't get anyone to answer me. His friends at work told me they had driven past his apartment and his car wasn't there so I assumed that something was wrong with his phone and he had left to visit his kids. Sunday afternoon, as I was standing on my back porch I kept hearing heavy breathing in the woods. It was like I couldn't pinpoint it but I could hear it. I kept trying to find the source but I couldn't. Monday morning I decided to stop by his apartment on my way to work to see that he wasn't there for myself. My heart dropped when I saw his cars parked in his spots. I was scared but also hopeful. When I walked into his apartment my entire world came crashing down. I found my love, my baby, my soulmate. He had shot himself in bed. I will never forget the smell or the way I found him. He always promised me that he wasn't going anywhere. That he would always be there for me. They say that they believe he shot himself accidentally in his sleep. I know he wouldn't have done it on purpose in his right mind. He had MS that was diagnosed when he was 17. He had depressed days but he always told me and they were never bad enough to where he would do that. He always made it clear he wouldn't leave his kids. He had just changed medications though and I wonder if that may have something to do with it. I've tried to talk to his family and it helps but I miss him so bad and now having to deal with my divorce as well and watching my husband be lovey dovey with his girlfriend really makes me angry. Why does HE get to keep his "person" but mine is gone? I don't understand. I've tried talking to a counselor and I've tried prayer but nothing is helping. I just want him back.....

[Judy Davidson]

Hi Love Bunny,

I am so sorry to hear about the tragic way your boyfriend died.  Thank you for sharing your story.  Sometimes life doesn't seem fair, huh?  I pray for nothing but the the best for you and your son.  Communication is key to grief recovery so you're doing a great thing.  Please reach out to anyone here on this site as we've all been in your shoes.  You can look into a local grief group for your mom through www.GriefShare.org

Reach out to other members through the Network, Member Blogs and Forum Chats.  The chat room tends to have more people in it at night.  The Home Page has some good Blog Posts too.  I pray the resources here provide Help for Today & Hope for Tomorrow.  You take good care of yourself.  BIG hug!

God bless,

Judy

Founding member