I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your fiance. All the 'Firsts' are difficult to cope with the first year. The 'Seconds' are a bit easier and so it goes with time ... Thank you for sharing your story. Communication is key to grief recovery so you have made a BIG first step in reaching out to others who know how you feel.
I apologize for the delay in responding I'm recovering from another loss as well. Please reach out to other members through the Network, Member Blogs and Forum Chats. The chat room tends to have more people in it at night. The Home Page has some good Blog Posts too. I pray the resources here provide Help for Today & Hope for Tomorrow. You take good care of yourself. BIG hug!